He Who Is Happy: A Bitachon Approach to "Things" and "Stuff"

Recently, we received a mailing from Oorah. Oorah is a non-profit organization which specializes in Jewish outreach.

Every year, Oorah conducts a huge Chinese Auction as a fundraiser for their many programs. The mailing we received was the prize list and details for the auction.

My son was reading the prizes with great interest.

“You can win a trip to Israel, all the technological devices you can dream of, a vacation … and here’s a dining room set! A new custom sheitel (wig), silver candelabra, jewelry, a kosher cruise … so many great prizes!” he exclaimed. He animatedly read all the prize descriptions aloud, expressing special interest in some.

I must preface what I am about to write by telling you that our family does support Oorah because of the phenomenal work that they do. And I certainly wouldn’t complain if I won free mortgage payments, electricity, gas, or groceries for a year!

But I felt it was important at the same time to express

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Suffering as a Preparation for Something Greater

Delayed gratification is “the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later reward” (Wikipedia).

Examples:

1. On a diet

   

   I can eat the chocolate bar (instant gratification), or I can resist the temptation now and have a favorable reading on the scale later (delayed gratification).

2. Study habits

   

   I can party with my friends, pass notes, and daydream during class (instant gratification), or I can pay attention in class and study hard now so that I can attend the college of my choice later (delayed gratification).

Needless to say, it is easier to delay gratification when you know that the gratification will eventually come. A third grader may not really understand or care why it is so important to succeed in school. University is many years away, and college applications are not on his mind yet!

However, in real life, we often don’t know when the gratification will come. We see only the sacrifice and denial of the moment. We wonder if the good will ever arrive.

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Come Close to Me: Drawing Near to God Through Suffering

The Torah tells us that our foremothers, Sara, Rivka, and Rachel were barren. (Actually, it appears from the verse that Leah was initially unable to conceive as well, until Hashem “ … opened her womb”. See Rashi, Genesis 29:31.) It is no coincidence that they all had this challenge in common. The Midrash tells us:

…Why were the foremothers barren? … Hashem desired their prayers. Hashem said, “They are wealthy, they are beautiful - if I give them children, they won’t pray to me!” (Tanchuma Toldos 9)

When things are going well, we often forget about Hashem. However, when there are bumps along the road, we call out to God for help.

Though Mr. Gold was Sabbath observant all his life, he never really felt “close” to God. He went through all the motions, doing mitzvos and avoiding sin, but the real connection was just never there.

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Tools of the Trade

This post is a continuation in the series on “Why Bad Things Happen To Good (and All) People”.

See also the earlier articles in this series:
Why Bad Things Happen to Good People - Why not?
The Secret to Dealing With Perceived Injustice in This World
5 Reasons That Good People Suffer (Part 2 of The Secret to Dealing with Perceived Injustice in This World)

Now that we understand the question and have completed the 5 reasons offered by the Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart), I would like to offer some additional possibilities.

Today’s topic is my personal “favorite” reason why bad things sometimes happen to good people. In my opinion, understanding this idea is so crucial that I gave it its own post. (Okay, it was also getting too long to talk about anything else!). More ideas to follow soon.

Recently, my sister and I were discussing cupcakes. I maintained that pouring the batter into the muffin tins just took too long; it was not even worth baking them. 

My sister thought for a moment and replied, “You’re right! I used to think so too! But then I got a cupcake dispenser. You just pour the batter into the dispenser and ‘click, click, click’, quickly drop all the batter into cupcakes.”

Having the right tools is essential. For some tasks, you can manage with an inferior tool, but it will take longer or it might be more difficult. Other tasks cannot be accomplished at all without the proper instruments.

In the above example, cupcake batter can be poured from a measuring cup or spoon, albeit slowly and messily. However, without muffin tins or good cupcake holders, you might be hard-pressed to bake any cupcakes at all!

Everything I have is a tool I can use to reach my potential. Some tools are lovely, like a cupcake holder, while others are not so pleasant, or even painful.

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5 Reasons That Good People Suffer (Part 2)

Let’s review:

1. Suffering does not always equal punishment. (See Why Bad Things Happen To Good People - Why Not?). There are many possible reasons why bad things might happen to a person.

2. The secret to dealing with perceived injustice in this world is to set your perception straight. God is just, and all His ways are just. We sometimes don’t understand how, but our lack of understanding does not make God unjust!! (See The Secret to Dealing With Perceived Injustice in This World).

3. We can know with certainty that there is some good explanation for everything that happens, even if we don’t know what it is in this particular case. We can accomplish this by learning many possible reasons. We may not know which applies (or maybe one we hadn’t thought of), but it’s no big leap of faith to believe that there is a good reason.

The Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart) lists 5 reasons that good people suffer.

The first 2 reasons are discussed in depth in The Secret To Dealing With Perceived Injustice In This World. The remainder of the list will be the subject of this post.

1. Punishment for past sins

   1. Pay up now so you won’t have to pay later.

   2. No one is perfect. Therefore, no one is too good for punishment.

2. Increase reward in the Next World

3. Others will learn to serve God

   When someone serves Hashem happily despite poverty or other afflictions, it provides opportunities both for himself and for others:

   • For himself: To reap rewards in the World To Come (see The Secret To Dealing With Perceived Injustice In This World number 2 on the list).

   • For others: To learn from him.

   

   People learn best by example. When we see someone model appropriate behavior, we are more likely to apply this to our own lives when the right time comes.

   Imagine a child who grows up being yelled at. The child learns that in the face of frustration, the only response is to yell and blame. Even though the child knows that these efforts will not solve her problems, she simply does not know what else to do.

   Contrast this to a child who is raised with love, understanding, and firm yet gentle discipline. She learns more productive ways of solving her problems because calm problem solving is constantly modeled for her.

   A righteous person serves as a role model for others. When others see him happily serving Hashem in the face of hardship, they will learn to do the same.

4. His righteousness will be apparent to all

   On the day of judgement, the evildoers will see the righteous receiving reward while they themselves are punished. They will want to say, “Those people lived with us, and they were the same as we are. Why are they getting rewarded and we are punished?”

   However, when a person has proven himself by continuing to serve Hashem with love even in times of difficulty and suffering, his righteousness will speak for itself. Even the evildoers will have to concede that he has earned his reward.

5. Punishment for not rebuking sinners

   “I just found the best recipe. You must try it!”

   “I read the most interesting article! I’m sharing it with you because I think you can benefit from it too.”

   “I saved so much money by shopping at that new store. You must go check it out!”

   It is human nature to share with others that which has helped me. I want to convince others to try “my” school, “my” store, “my”  favorite website or blog, “my” diet, and “my” values.

   One who loves Hashem will want to convince others to follow his lead. If he doesn’t, it shows a lack of interest or caring about Hashem, people, or both.

   Additionally, the Torah tells us that all Jews are responsible for all other Jews. If my brothers are faltering, it is my responsibility to do all that I can to raise them back up. “It’s not my problem” is not a Jewish value.

   

   A man bought a ticket to sail across the ocean on a large ship. During the voyage, the ship suddenly began to sink. The attendants searched and searched to find the source of the leak. They finally traced the problem to this man’s cabin. When they arrived at his room, they found him drilling a hole right into the bottom of the boat! Astounded, they demanded that he stop immediately!

   The man could not understand why they were so upset. “What is all this commotion about? I’m not bothering anyone else, it’s only in my own room!”

   No one would walk by such a sight and do nothing. No one would say, “It’s not my problem!”

   Similarly, when one soul is tainted with sin, it takes down the entire nation along with it. It is in every man’s personal and national interest to make sure that his fellow is not drilling a hole in the bottom of our collective boat!

   A righteous person has a great responsibility to help others serve God. If he does not, he too is held accountable.

More Reasons Good People Suffer

This completes The list from the Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart). In the next post I hope to discuss a few more possible explanations for suffering of the righteous. If you have any ideas other than what is listed above, I’d love to hear!

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The Secret to Dealing With Perceived Injustice in This World

In Why Bad Things Happen To Good People - Why Not?, we dealt with the premise of this question that bothers so many. For those who received the post by email and did not get to see my cute (and very short) video, you can still see it here. (Sorry, it appears that Feedburner, the program that sends out the posts by email, does not embed the video into the email!)

We now know that suffering does not always equal punishment. (If you don’t know, go back and read the last post again!). In fact, there are many possible reasons why bad things might happen to a person.

The secret to dealing with perceived injustice in this world is to set your perception straight. God is just, and all His ways are just. We sometimes don’t understand how, but our lack of understanding does not make God unjust!!

How to “straighten” a crooked perspective

Now that we no longer have prophecy, we will never know with certainty the reasons behind God’s actions. However, by familiarizing ourselves with some possible reasons, we can know with certainty that there is some good explanation, even if we don’t know what it is in each particular case.

The Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart) lists 5 reasons that good people suffer.

The first 2 reasons will be the subject of this post. Keep your eyes open for the next 3 reasons, coming soon! I hope to add a few of my own ideas on this subject in a future post as well.

1. Punishment for past sins

   1. Pay up now so you won’t have to pay later.

      

      Credit card companies and stores urge you to “shop now, pay later”. Sometimes they even offer 6 months with no interest.

      But what happens if you buy something and don’t pay for it? What will it cost a year later? How much interest will you rack up in 5 years?

      If you pay now, you’ll pay the agreed upon purchase price. The more you delay, the more interest will accumulate, and the more money you will owe.

      Okay, so what do credit cards have to do with punishment?

      Well, what happens when you sin but don’t repent? You need to pay. You can pay now, or you can pay later. Which do you think will be more pleasant?

      Sometimes Hashem punishes a righteous person in This World in order to spare the person from the punishment in the Next World. Pay now, pay less!

   2. No one is perfect. Therefore, no one is too good for punishment.

      My daughter was diagnosed with hip dysplasia at the age of four months. This was a curable problem, though it was not entirely pleasant, nor was it aesthetically pleasing. She wore a harness that made her look like a frog. We had instructions not to remove it at all - not for baths, and not even for diaper changes. We learned to sponge bathe her and change diapers between the straps, messy as it sometimes was. We even got used to the “frog look” that the harness bestowed upon her.

      I still remember a comment that someone made to me shortly after the diagnosis: “Why would this happen to you? You are such a tzaddekes (righteous woman)!”

      I found this attitude very intriguing. While I try to be a good person and to serve my Creator, I am certainly not without faults! Punishment is only one of the many reasons that people suffer, and I was not about to decide the reason that God had sent a challenge my way. But even if it was a punishment, would I be presumptuous enough to believe it was not deserved?

      No one is perfect. Even the best intentioned people and the most righteous sometimes make mistakes. That is part of being human! It therefore follows that no one is so good as to never deserve a punishment.

2. Increase reward in the Next World

   How do people earn higher salaries in this world?

   • Work more hours (hourly workers)
     
   • Work overtime (some salaried workers)
   • Bonuses for outstanding work and dedication
   • Promotions when competence is displayed (which come with more responsibility!)
   • Make more sales (commission based employees)
     

   No one makes more money for doing nothing. Bonuses are doled out in accordance with performance.

   The same is true of the Next World.

   Example:

   Yosef is a good, hardworking man. He sets aside time to study Torah, and keeps the mitzvos to the best of his ability.

   One day, Yosef becomes ill. He suffers terribly from the pain of the disease. He is unable to work his usual hours, and suffers a loss of income as well. Times are difficult for Yosef’s family. They move out of their beautiful home into a tiny apartment.

     Here are some of the many different ways that Yosef can respond to his suffering. He can:

   • Ask “Why me? I am a good person, why is this happening to me?”.
   • Accept the suffering as God given. He know that Hashem loves him and there is some reason for all this.
   • Feel that Hashem doesn’t care about him and decide that he doesn’t care either.
   • Look for ways to improve himself.
   • View it as an opportunity to help or teach others.

     Yosef’s reward will be in accordance with his response. Naturally, if he succumbs to a negative attitude (numbers 1 and 3), then he will not be rewarded for that! However, if he rises above his natural inclination to be angry or upset (numbers 2, 4, and 5), he can earn great bonuses in the Next World!

   When a person rises to the challenge and passes with flying colors, he racks up “miles” to be redeemed in the Next World. The way a person responds to suffering in This World is an opportunity to increase his reward in the Next World. View it like working overtime and getting paid time and a half!

Stay tuned to find out the rest!

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Why Bad Things Happen to Good People - Why not?

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The question of why bad things happen to good people is not a new one. It is a question that people of all faiths and cultures have grappled with since the beginning of time.

Before we can even attempt to offer an explanation, I have a question to ask you:

WHY NOT?

Why do we feel that it is wrong for good people to suffer? Who says that bad things shouldn’t happen to good people?

A Source

The Rambam (Maimonides) lists 13 Essential Principles of Faith. These include concepts such as “God is the Creator and Ruler of all things … ” and “God is One”.

Principle #11 is a statement of reward and punishment: God rewards those who fulfill His commandments and punishes those who violate His commandments.

Based on this idea of reward and punishment, we are bothered when we see good people suffering or bad people prospering.

If we believe in Divine reward and punishment, how can we explain the pain of the righteous and prosperity of the wicked that we see in this world?

Error in Logic

The truth is, that there is a basic flaw in the question itself.

We are equating good with reward and bad with punishment. This is faulty reasoning, because good is not always synonymous with reward and bad is not always the same as punishment.

To make things even more confusing, what we perceive as good is not always really beneficial, and what we view as bad may actually be laying a foundation for something wonderful!

Example

Mr. R wins the lottery. This seems to be pretty good! Feeling that he has endless funds, he assumes an upper-class lifestyle. The problem is that Mr. R doesn’t know much about finances. In a short while, the money is all gone.

Mr. R is not just back where he started; he is in a much worse position now. Having tasted the life of luxury, he finds himself dreaming of all the things he can no longer afford, or buying them anyway and falling into debt. His desires are unfulfilled and he feels depressed.

Maybe winning the lottery wasn’t really so great for Mr. R after all …

Example

Mrs. J worked at the same job for 15 years until she was laid off. This was the worst thing that she could have imagined. She felt crushed and defeated. After all her hard work, she was not even appreciated.

To make matters worse, Mrs. J really counted on her paycheck to cover significant expenses like mortgage and groceries. Now she did not know what to do.

Unable to find another job in her field, Mrs. J began her own business revolving around her hobby, gardening. She was passionate and creative. People loved her services.

Before long, Mrs. J had a thriving business, doing what she loved most.

Knowing the end of the story, how bad was losing that boring job?

See Jumping to Conclusions: How Sure Are You? for more about the way we see things.

Do Bad Things Only Happen to Good People?

Bad things actually happen to all people, righteous and wicked.

If you view bad as punishment, you may not be terribly bothered by the wicked getting “punished”. (Notice that no one ever asks: “Why do bad things happen to bad people?”)

The reality is that there are a number of different reasons that bad things happen, and also several reasons why good things occur - to ALL people.

Stay tuned! We will explore some of these possibilities in the upcoming posts!

Why do you think that bad things happen to good people and that good things happen to bad people?

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Lessons in Bitachon from Superstorm Sandy

Last week, as superstorm Sandy was winding down, I received an email from my mother. It read:

Sorry to say, I learned today that [an acquaintance of our family]’s house in Atlantic Beach burned to the ground during the hurricane.  As I hear it, one of his cars in his driveway exploded, maybe due to the salt water getting in the engine, starting a fire which spread to the house.  The firemen couldn’t even reach them, so they [the homeowners] just watched it burn.  He was asleep at the time but his wife couldn’t fall asleep because their main floor was flooding, so she heard the explosion and woke him and of course they ran out.

Sadly, this type of story was all too common. Individuals and communities suffered huge and unthinkable losses as a result of flooding, fires, and fallen trees. Many families are unable to return to their homes (if they are lucky enough to still have homes), and even more remain without power (don’t think lights; think heat and hot water!).

In an attempt to shine a small bit of light through the darkness, let us look at some practical lessons we can glean from the heart-rending events of last week. (And may the effort of integrating Bitachon into our lives serve as a merit to ease the suffering and pain of those who were and are still affected by the storm. Our hearts feel for you!)

1. Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

   1. Lack of permanence in this world

      We have a natural tendency to think that things will always continue just as they are now. Our health, our wealth, our families and our jobs seem stable and secure.

      Yet the reality is that we live in a changing world. Nothing stays the same for long.

      

      Superstorm Sandy serves as a harsh reminder that nothing in this world is permanent, nothing is guaranteed. Homes and all that was inside are gone - permanently. There are properties that literally disappeared off the map (where there once was land is now just part of the bay!). Not only is the house gone, but the actual land it sat on is missing as well!

   2. Value of life, relative unimportance of possessions

      During periods of calm, we often attribute great value and importance to our belongings. Yet during times of calamity, it quickly becomes apparent that only human life is essential, and all else is comparatively inconsequential.

      When our very lives are threatened, suddenly our “things” are not as significant as we had thought.

   3. Material objects are temporary, spiritual achievements are lasting

      

      During the ferocious storm that swept away cars, homes, and even streets themselves, it became only too obvious that physical items and even accomplishments are not forever. In a moment, they can be blown away.

      In contrast, spiritual attainments can never be taken away. Even after death, the good deeds a person has done, his Torah learning, and his personal character development will follow him to the World to Come. An act of kindness can never “disappear”. A choice to do good over bad remains forever.

2. On Rosh Hashana it is written …

   My sister was relating to me some stories of deaths resulting from superstorm Sandy. She told me that there was a woman who was driving on Monday night when her car stalled. She and her children ran from the car to knock on the nearest door. At that moment, there was a surge of water and the children were washed away.

   My initial reaction (before I even heard the end!) was “What on earth was that lady doing out in her car when all the reports were forecasting a monster storm?”. Certainly, there could be more details that would explain her actions, but at first glance, it would seem that perhaps the deaths of these children could have been prevented.

   

   The next story, however, was of a man who was sitting in his home, doing everything he was supposed to be doing regarding storm preparedness. A tree fell down on his home, killing him instantly.

   Oh.

   My sister used to say that “every bullet has an address”. In other words, there is no such thing as an accident. If this man was killed in the storm, it is not coincidental. Rather, it is God who grants life, and God who takes it away.

   Not long ago, we stood in shul and expressed this idea exactly.

   On Rosh Hashana it is written and on the Fast of Yom Kippur it is sealed … who will live and who will die … who by water and who by fire … who will become poor and who will become wealthy …

   It is not just some abstract prayer to make sure we spend all day in shul! This is reality! Life and death, quality of life and suffering of death, are not random. They are carefully calculated by the All-Powerful, All-Knowing, and yes, All-Kind Hashem.

3. Rely Only on Hashem

   We often experience a false sense of security. Even knowing that emergencies occur, we somehow feel that there will be someone or something who can save us. For example, in a medical emergency we might rely on an ambulance and medical technicians to rescue us.

   The stark reality, as evidenced by this devastating storm, is that we can rely on no one but Hashem. Rescue workers were unable to reach people in need of assistance. How many, many people watched their homes burn down, while their cars and possessions floated away. The firefighters, police, and special rescue squads were simply not able to assist in many areas.

   

   This article opened with a story of a home that burned to the ground. Though the firefighters could not save this couple’s home, Hashem chose to save their lives. I would even venture to say that the flooding on the first floor was a blessing in disguise - it kept the wife awake worrying, and ultimately allowed them both to escape the burning home with their lives.

Practical Bitachon

Let’s live every day with the knowledge that Hashem alone runs the world.

Life is precious; we don’t have to wait for the world to be shaken upside-down to appreciate it!

Prioritize: Don’t get sidetracked by all the “stuff” and distractions in this world. Make time for Torah and personal development. That’s why we’re here on this earth, after all.

See also this excellent article by Charlie Harary on Aish.com

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Pay Attention!

The Library

Brrr, the weather was really cold! The public library would make a perfect outing:

1. We needed to return our books and replace them with a new stash.

2. I wanted to vote during early voting, and the library is an early voting site.

3. Best of all, the library was an indoor activity for my little one. There is now a whole section of toys for toddlers to play with in the children’s section.

We headed out into the chilly morning, and soon arrived at the library. The parking lot was busier than I ever remembered seeing it. We got out of the car, loaded the books underneath the stroller, and walked to the library entrance. Hmmm, the library didn’t open on Tuesdays until 1:00 PM, and it was only 10:15 AM now.

What were all the cars and people doing here if the library wasn’t even open yet?

The library was closed, but early voting was open! Hooray! We were able to vote, and even drop our books through the outdoor book slot.

Next, we headed down San Jose Boulevard to the South Mandarin Library. This library was open, and the parking lot here was even busier than at the first library! As we walked in, we had to pass through a double line of people waiting to vote just to get into the actual library. (I was very glad to have voted already, having had only two people ahead of me on line!)

I took out books for all the kids, and my toddler played, played, and played some more. Finally, we were beginning to feel tired, and we returned to our car.

We slowly navigated our way out of the crowded parking lot. There were still many cars and people coming and going. I reached the edge of the parking lot, and took my place behind a line of cars in the right turn lane. By craning my neck, I could see that the light was red. So I enjoyed the music in the car while waiting for the cars to move.

I’m not sure how many minutes we were sitting there with our right blinker on before a man finally came over. I rolled down the window so that I could hear him.

“Did you realize that all those cars are parked?”

Actually, no, I hadn’t. Whoops.

I thanked the man, and proceeded to pass by all the driverless cars, feeling pretty stupid for not noticing!

(In case you are now thinking to yourself that I just mistook the parking lane for a right turning lane, I did not. I have been to that library many times, and the only place to park is in the parking lot. There is normally no parking lane, but having run out of parking spots, some people parked in the right lane, almost until the traffic light.)

Moral of the Story: Pay Attention!

I couldn’t help but reflect on the incident on the way home. How many times do we fail to notice something crucial because we weren’t paying attention? How often do we not even realize something nice was done for us because we weren’t looking for it? And how many opportunities do we miss because we just didn’t realize that they were there waiting for us?

Hashem is constantly looking after us, taking care of our every need. He orchestrates the whole scene so it fits our needs just so.

If we search, we will find traces of His involvement everywhere. If we open our eyes, we will see the endless possibilities that are open to us. And if we invest the effort, we will see pieces of the puzzle come together and explain away some of our confusion.

We will notice all sorts of wonderful things, but only if we are paying attention!

Practical Bitachon: Some Examples

1. Finding the good in a bad situation

   Within months of moving into our new home, the beautiful wood floors began developing some bumps. These were not small irregularities; they eventually grew to the size of speed bumps, the largest one extending from the living room all the way to the middle of the dining room. The bump was so big that we had to put a table over it to prevent people from tripping!

   At first, this represented a huge aggravation for us. We spent hours dealing with the insurance and contractors to assess, evaluate, and claim the damage. We were unsure the whole time whether our insurance would cover our losses or whether we would be forced to make repairs out of our own pocket.

   However, what began as a huge stress quickly melted when we received a check from our homeowner’s insurance. We were able to put down a lovely new floor, replace our air conditioning units (the bumps were caused by an air conditioner leak), and even have a little bit left over! The leak was no longer a mishap, but a kind and loving gift from God.

2. Seeing Hashem’s Hand in the world (Divine Providence)

   Our stroller recently fell apart. Completely. The frame disconnected and stroller was not usable at all.

   I have had strollers become rickety, or worn out, but never have I seen one just come apart like this.

   To make a long story short, the timing couldn’t have been better. Within days, we were able to take advantage of an amazing promotion to purchase a sturdy new stroller at a fantastic price.

   If any one small detail had been different, it could have changed the ending of the story dramatically. (Drama is relative, of course. This was a stroller, after all, not a life and death situation!)

   • The stroller might not have broken at all. We would still have our stroller and would never even have known that in another scenario we could have had a new one!

   • Had the stroller been rickety but usable, it is likely we would not have been thinking about buying a new one. The promotion would have passed without our knowing that we needed a new stroller.

   • The stroller could have fallen apart a month later. The promotion was a one-time deal, and we would have missed it. We would have bought a stroller that was by far inferior to the one we got.

   • The promotion could not have existed.

   • We could have been unaware of the promotion.

   This was not a lucky coincidence; it was the Hand of God! Clearly, Hashem guided us and helped us to obtain a great stroller which we never would have even considered without this push.

3. Noticing an opportunity

   No one asks to get sick. Yet people who have experienced a serious illness often report that their situation brought them closer to Hashem. Though their situation was very difficult, they recognize that something positive emerged from their challenge as well.

   Some people will refuse to accept that troubles represent opportunity. Others just don’t see it because they aren’t paying attention. If you keep on the lookout, you will always be able to find something good!

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Change Your Mind! What to do when your first reaction is not a Bitachon reaction

Not long ago, I had the pleasure of taking my car to the mechanic.

Our trusty minivan was emanating some funny noises, so we knew something was wrong. A knowledgable friend diagnosed the problem and recommended that we get a new engine mount (whatever that is).

It was a Thursday morning. I drove over to Sun Tire, where I left the car for its checkup. Meanwhile, my baby and I had a pleasant stroll home in the hot Jacksonville sunshine.

It wasn’t long before Sun Tire called to let me know that the minivan needed a new engine mount (surprise!). We agreed on the price, and they assured me that I could pick up the car in the afternoon.

When my little guy and I woke up from our nap, we prepared to walk back to Sun Tire. I checked the voice mail before heading out, just to be sure the repair was done.

Trouble

“Hi, this is Travis from Sun Tire. Give me a call back when you have a chance.”

Hmmm, that was not the message I was expecting. I was hoping for “Your Kia is ready for pickup, Mrs. Rabinowitz. Come on over as soon as y'all would like.”

Well, our Kia was not ready for pickup after all. The generic engine mount parts did not fit our car. The correct part could only be obtained from the manufacturer. It would cost a bit more, and would be ready by mid-morning on Friday.

Oh.

I was counting on having that minivan to take my girls to their speech therapy early on Friday morning.

I guess not.

After weighing my options (there weren’t too many), I decided that the next best approach was to drive my husband and children to school on Friday morning in our 12 passenger van so that I could keep the van to drive the girls to speech therapy.

After speech therapy on Friday morning, I dropped the girls off at school. I called Sun Tire to find out how soon my minivan would be ready.

The walk to Sun Tire from school is about 10 minutes (pushing the stroller), so I was hoping I might be able to walk over straight from school. This would be especially convenient because the van needed to stay at school so that my husband could drive everyone home after school was over.

The car wasn’t quite ready yet. It would be done within the hour.

An hour was too long to keep an active toddler busy at a mechanic, so I drove back home. My poor son had been strapped in and out of the car and stroller so many times that he arched his back when I tried to strap him into his carseat. I felt so bad for him, cooped up all morning!

At last, we were home. I was so happy for the little guy to run around and play.

As I unlocked the front door, my cell phone rang.

“Hi, this is Travis from Sun Tire. Just calling to let you know your car is ready.”

Oh, great. Why couldn’t he have told me that 10 minutes ago when I was right there? Now I had to strap my toddler back into the van, drive to school, and walk ten minutes to Sun Tire.

Wait!

Hold on. I might be annoyed, but this is NOT a Bitachon reaction!!

Let’s rewind and play it again:

This is a bit of a nuisance, but if this is what happened, then it is from Hashem, and I accept it with love!

Why didn’t Travis tell me it would be ready in 10 minutes when I was right there? Because Hashem did not want me to have that information at that time, that’s why!

Pease Note

I had a wonderful experience with Sun Tire and would recommend them to others for repair. (I would go back there again myself).

The fact that the repair was not ready as expected and cost more than expected was not their fault at all, and I do not blame them for it one bit!!

Practical Bitachon

1. Change Your Mind!

   Sometimes, our first reaction is to be annoyed, frustrated, even angry. But just because that is our first instinct does not mean that it has to be our last!

   Allow yourself the freedom to adjust your attitude and reframe the situation: “If this is Hashem’s Will, then it is my will too!”

2. Keep Things in Perspective

   Yes, this was annoying.  
   Yes, it seemed like it could have been easily prevented.  
   Yes, it took up most of my morning (on a Friday, no less!).

   No, this was not the end of the world, and it was not really even anyone’s fault.  It just was. Exactly as it was meant to be.

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Plane Scared: How Bitachon Can Help Calm Your Fears

This week, I found myself sitting on an airplane. Most of my attention was focused on entertaining my 15 month old son. This was no easy feat. He is extremely active, and all he wanted to do was walk up and down the aisle and talk to the (sleeping) passengers!

We waited calmly for the airplane to take off. Then, as soon as the plane began to race down the runway, my heart began to race inside of me. I suddenly felt terrified.

Though I have flown many times, I feel this same feeling upon takeoff on every flight. I don’t remember feeling that way as a child. I think that as my family has grown and my responsibilities have multiplied, I can’t push away the feeling that if something bad were to happen, it would affect a lot more than just me!

Jews are a people of prayer. We pray three times every day. On Shabbos and Holidays we add even more prayers. There are blessings for all sorts of usual and unusual items and events.

Of course, there is a prayer for travelers to recite on their way.

How comforting it was to recite the words of Tefillas Haderech (the traveler’s prayer) as the nose of the aircraft rose into the sky.

Please Hashem,“ I thought, "help us to arrive safely. Save us from anything bad that could happen on the way!”

I felt calm again as I reflected upon what I was saying. It is Hashem, and Hashem only, who guides our way. He is in charge of the plane, and He is in charge of all outcomes!

Hashem is accessible to us all the time. We do not have to fly in the sky in order to be close to Him. We can connect to God and trust in Him wherever we are, whenever we want.

Prayer is a very powerful way to connect. Whether by means of formal prayer or impromptu personal requests, when we ask God to fulfill our needs, we show Him and ourselves that we trust in Him. We ask Hashem to help us because we know the He is the only One who has the ability to assist.

Practical Bitachon

1. Take the time to daven! Even the busiest person can find a few minutes in her day or week to talk to Hashem. Ask Him for whatever you want and need. No request is too difficult and no desire is too trivial.

2. When you pray, make a mental note:

   It makes sense to ask Hashem, because Hashem alone can fulfill my needs!

   This will increase your trust in God.

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Bitachon and The Strength To Do What's Right

Keeping Shabbos as a Factory Employee: My Father’s Father

My Zaidy, Moshe Sonnenschein, moved to Montreal after World War II. An expert tailor, he found employment in a local factory. More than half of the 120 workers were Jewish, many of them Holocaust survivors.

Zaidy began working on a Wednesday. His supervisor was quickly impressed by his ability to fix or remake any garment, and gave him all the work that others were not capable of doing.

At 3:00 PM on that first Friday in February, Zaidy packed up his things and prepared to leave.

When the Jewish lady on the next table saw this, she asked him, “Where are you going?”

“What do you mean ‘Where am I going?’” Zaidy answed. “It will soon be Shabbos! I am going home!”

“At least leave through the side door,” the woman suggested. “Maybe no one will notice.”

But Zaidy refused. “Why should I sneak out through the side door?” Zaidy asked. “I didn’t steal anything! I’ll go out through the same door I came into this morning!”

As Zaidy was leaving, his supervisor asked him where he was going. When Zaidy told him he was headed home for Shabbos, the supervisor only asked - “Will you be back on Monday? Just make sure you come back on Monday morning!”

Zaidy worked in that factory for 28 years.  No one ever gave him a hard time about leaving early for Shabbos, and whenever there was an office party, all the food was kosher so that he would be able to eat!

Keeping Shabbos as Owner of a Small Business: My Mother’s Father

My other Zaidy, Herman Moskowitz, owned a children’s clothing shop in the Bronx. It was the 1960s, and most of the stores in the area - even the Jewish ones - took advantage of the busy shopping day on Saturdays by keeping their stores open for business.

My Zaidy, however, always closed his shop for Shabbos.

One Sunday morning in the bustling shopping month of December, my Zaidy came to open his store. The owner of the neighboring shop, also a Jew, began to poke fun at him for not working on Shabbos.

“The streets were packed yesterday, Herman! There were so many shoppers,” the man told Zaidy. “You don’t know what you missed!”

Replied my Zaidy, “No, my friend. You  don’t know what YOU missed!”

Zaidy had Bitachon. He firmly believed that if you keep Shabbos, you will make whatever living Hashem has planned for you, even if you miss the busy Saturday shopping day!

Shabbos: A Testament to Creation

On the holiday of Simchas Torah we complete the Torah and immediately start again from the beginning: Bereishis, the creation of the world.

God created the world in six days, and on the seventh day He rested. By refraining from creative work on Shabbos, we testify that Hashem created the world and continues to run the world to this day.

It is tempting to believe that by working seven days a week we can make more money than by working only six. Some people feel that more or better jobs may be open to them if they are flexible enough to work on Saturday.

The reality is that God created this world, and God runs this world.

How much money you make and which job you get are determined by God alone. You do your part (keep the Torah) and let Hashem take care of the rest!

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You're Fired! Bitachon in Times of Challenge

The Challenge

The predominantly Jewish neighborhood was quickly changing. Mr. Sam Levenson realized that the was no longer a demand for kosher meat in the area. Sadly, he was forced to close his butcher shop.

At the age of 60, Mr. Levenson found himself searching not only for a new job, but a new career entirely. Since he knew the city, and he knew how to drive, he decided to seek employment as a cab driver. He figured that at least inside of his cab, he would be his own boss.

He began his new job just before the Jewish month of Tishrei. As an observant Jew, he informed his boss that he would not be working on the Jewish Holidays.

His new boss was a Jew as well. Though he was neither observant nor well-educated in Jewish matters, he knew enough to let Mr. Levenson take days off for the well-known holidays of Rosh Hashanna and Yom Kippur.

That year, the first night of Succos was on a Sunday night, just like this year. On Friday, Mr. Levenson told his boss that he would not be coming into work on Monday and Tuesday due to the holiday of Succos.

Though the boss had heard of Rosh Hashanna and Yom Kippur, he was not familiar with the holiday of Succos. He promptly replied that if Mr. Levenson did not report for work on Monday morning, he should not even bother coming in on Wednesday.

Lesson #1: Bitachon and the Courage to Stand Up for What is Right

It is incredibly difficult to hold onto what is true in the face of such a challenge.

Mr. Levenson was threatened with the immediate loss of his entire livelihood. Yet he knew that obeying his Creator was his first priority. He exhibited Bitachon by keeping the mitzvos even though it appeared that this would cause him harm.

I have heard people say, “I can’t miss work on Yom Tov because … ”

• I will lose my job
• My boss won’t like it
• I will lose money

We can all learn from the courageous behavior of Mr. Levenson! He had Bitachon! He believed that if God wanted him to work, then he would. And if God decreed for him to lose his job, then that’s what would be. His human contribution was just to do what was right: in this case, not to work on Yom Tov. The rest was up to Hashem.

The End of the Story

Mr. Levenson celebrated Succos with his family on Monday and Tuesday, trying not to dwell over his lost job. He went into work on Wednesday, figuring that he had nothing to lose. Maybe his boss would change his mind and let him continue to work after all.

His boss saw him and came right over to him. Mr. Levenson was sure the he was fired for good.

“Mr. Levenson,” began the boss, “as long as you work for me, you don’t ever have to worry about taking off for the Jewish Holidays again!”

Needless to say, Mr. Levenson was quite shocked by the change in attitude! As it turned out, this about-face was the result of an unusual and unexpected chain of events.

“This past Sunday,” continued Mr. Levenson’s boss, “my father passed away. I don’t know many Jewish laws, but I do know that children sit shiva after the passing of a parent. I prepared to sit shiva for my father, but much to my surprise, the Rabbi told me that since Monday was the Jewish Holiday of Succos, there would be no shiva.

“I now know that you were telling the truth, and not just trying to wheedle another vacation day out of me. I respect you, and I will never give you a hard time about your holidays ever again!”

Mr. Levenson worked for that taxi company for 10 years, and he never had to worry about working on the Jewish Holdiays again!

Lesson #2: Nothing is Beyond God’s Ability

At times, a person finds himself in a hopeless situation. All seems lost, and there just doesn’t appear to be any way out. Often, people just give up.

Part of Bitachon is to realize that Hashem is capable of doing anything. There is no problem that is too difficult for Him to solve, should He deem it appropriate. Even when we don’t see any favorable solution, we must not give up!

Mr. Levenson’s situation appeared to be pretty bleak. It really didn’t seem likely, or even possible, that his boss would change his mind.

Despite the grim circumstance, Mr. Levenson did the only effort left to do in the situation: he went into work on Wednesday. He did not give up,  even though things looked bad.

And God certainly found a creative and beautiful solution to this problem!

Thank You

I would like to extend a special thank you to my Uncle David Levenson, the son of Sam Levenson, for allowing me to share this story with my readers. I have heard many wonderful and inspirational stories from my Uncle David over the years, and this is one of my all-time favorites!

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The One Thing That Makes All The Difference

3:00 AM

It is dark, both inside and out. All is quiet, except the rustle of a few leaves in the gentle night wind.

Inside the house, a figure slowly creeps up the stairs. Ever so quietly, he climbs step by step, using tiptoes so as not to wake the sleeping family.

Good or Bad?

Is this figure a hero, or is he up to no good?

From the information given, it’s impossible to know.

On first instinct, you may assume the figure is a thief. He must maintain absolute silence in order to successfully carry out his mission.

However, that figure could also be a boy. He woke up feeling unwell, and went downstairs to take a drink of water. Not wanting to wake his sleeping parents or the rest of the family, he tiptoes quietly back to his room.

The Difference: Motivation

Both “figures” performed exactly the same act. The description could represent both equally well. What is it, then, that makes the one a hero and the other a villain?

The defining factor here is the motivation. The boy’s intention was admirable: to perform the mitzvah of Kibbud Av Va'Aim (honoring parents) and the mitzvah of not waking those who are sleeping. The robber, on the other hand, had only himself in mind. He did not respect other people’s sleep - he just wanted to get away with some valuables before anyone noticed!

Bitachon and Effort: Having the Right Motive

Hashem is the Guiding Force behind everything that transpires in the world and everything that happens to me personally. This is the fundamental idea of Bitachon!

Yet, at the same time, God requires me to try my best and do what I can to fulfill my needs and achieve my goals. This is the obligation of hishtadlus, effort.

There can be two people, equally hardworking, but one has complete trust in Hashem, while the other is severely lacking in Bitachon. What sets them apart?

The answer is, of course, their motivation.

One believes that whatever Hashem has set aside for him, he will have. He works hard, but only because Hashem has commanded us to put forth appropriate effort.

The other believes that if he works hard, he will earn well. In his mind, his efforts are the cause of his success. He has left Hashem out of the picture completely. (It is also possible for a person to attribute some credit to Hashem, but most credit to his own efforts. This is still a lack of Bitachon. A person should believe that his efforts serve the purpose of fulfilling his obligation, but success or failure are completely in the hands of Hashem.)

Real Service or Lip Service?

On the other end of the spectrum, there may be two people who both say “Everything is by Hashem’s decree”, but one is righteous and the other is a fool!

The righteous man truly believes that God runs the world. The man puts forth his required effort, but places his trust in Hashem to do what is best for him.

The fool is lazy and does not want to work. “Everything is by Hashem’s decree” is just his excuse to exempt himself from doing his part.

Same refrain, totally different intent!

For God’s Sake, Give Us Life!

There are several passages which we add to the amidah prayer during the Ten Days of Repentance from Rosh Hashanna through Yom Kippur. The first is:

Remember us for life, King who desires life, and write us in the book of life for Your sake, Living God.

Of course we’re asking for life - after all, everyone wants to live! But what is “for Your sake” doing in there?

Life without God has no meaning. It is only when I live my life in a Godly fashion that my life takes on purpose.

I am asking Hashem for life not because I want to eat, drink and be merry, but rather so that I can serve Hashem.

Actions are important; intention is crucial!!

Practical Bitachon

You can turn any type of work or effort into a Bitachon moment! Just remind yourself that success and failure are determined by Hashem, and your effort is just a necessary tool, not the real cause.

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When Things Don't Go Your Way: 3 Tools for Dealing with Disappointment

Imagine this scenario:

It is Rosh Hashanna morning. You dress and feed the little ones, set the table, and head off to shul.

The shul has youth programs and even babysitting, to allow parents of any age child to participate in the services.

You are looking forward to the opportunity. After all, as a mother of young children, it is not often that you have a chance to daven in shul!

You make sure to arrive early enough to settle all the children in their respective programs. Everyone seems happy, except the baby. You remain with him for a while longer, until it is time to listen to the shofar. He seems to be okay as you slip out the door …

When you step out for a moment after shofar blowing, you meet a friend who has just come from the babysitting room. “Your baby is crying,” she informs you. “Maybe you should peek in through the glass in the door.”

Sure enough, your baby is screaming! Time to rethink. Certainly, God does not want you davening mussaf at shul while your baby screams at the babysitter.

So you retrieve your baby and other children after just a short stay at the youth programs. So much for the quiet prayers. So much for the inspirational davening!

I told you to imagine this scenario. I, on the other hand, do not have to imagine anything; this is exactly what happened to me on the second day of Rosh Hashanna this year!

How does a person deal with disappointment?

Bitachon requires me to believe that everything Hashem does is for the best. This can sometimes be tricky if you don’t know how to deal with frustration.

There are specific tools that can be used in this type of situation to help you cope with the letdown.

1. Maintain realistic expectations

   When you expect one thing and get another, you may feel frustrated or dissatisfied. Having realistic expectations does not mean expecting the worst; it means realizing that things may not go exactly as planned. When you are prepared for alternate possibilities, you are better able to adapt to the new situation.

   In the above example, I was well aware the my baby does not take fondly to babysitters. He is almost never in the care of any non-family member. He also  woke up early that morning, and I knew he would need to nap close to his regular time, shortly after the shofar blowing. It would have been foolish for me to expect him to be happy about being left with strangers when he was overtired!

   Going in with the attitude of “Wow, it would be so nice, but I know it may not really work out” rather than “This is the way it will be” made a huge difference in my level of disappointment. Sure, I would have loved to daven in shul, but at least I wasn’t crushed that I had to daven at home instead (with little people trying to get my attention the whole time!).

2. Gratitude: Focus on what went right, not what went wrong

   This one is crucial. If you maintain a positive focus, it can really keep things in perspective.

   By having gratitude for all that worked out well for me, it helped me to realize that not davening in shul was really not such a big deal in the larger picture. Here is a list of some things I am grateful for:

   • I have children to take care of.
   • I got to hear the first 30 shofar blasts in shul. This was especially important to me because my husband was blowing the shofar!
   • I got to hear shofar, daven mussaf, and stay in shul until the end of kedusha on the first day of Rosh Hashanna. Again, I valued this even more because my husband was the Chazzan on the first day!
   • If this had to happen on one of the two days of Rosh Hashanna, I was glad it worked out this way. I heard some of the Chazzan’s repetition on the day my husband was the Chazzan, and at least I made it for shofar on the day the he blew shofar!
   • I managed to daven mussaf at home, albeit not in the quietest environment.
   • The baby napped closer to schedule, so he went to sleep on time at night.

   I cannot stress enough how much this type  of attitude can help you! In any life situation, there is always something to smile about. If nothing else, you can be grateful that you are at least familiar with more pleasant situations than the one you are in!

3. Plan for the future

   Ask yourself: “What can I do differently next time to achieve a better outcome?”

   This shifts the spotlight from the undesired events and places it instead on an action plan for the future.

   Truthfully, in this particular instance, I don’t think there is anything I would change the next time! Yes, I would have loved to daven in shul, but no, I wouldn’t give up my role and responsibility as a mother to make that happen!

   I had already  done all that I could to help things along smoothly (such as leaving snacks, settling him in, even acclimating him to babysitting at shul for short periods over the previous few weeks). If it didn’t work out, it is because Hashem didn’t want it to be that way!

   However, there are many cases where we can do something to improve the odds of things working in our favor. This is part of our required hishtadlus (effort) and we certainly must not ignore this aspect.

What is your experience? Do you have an idea you would like to add to this list?

Wishing everyone a Sweet New Year and a meaningful High Holiday season!

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The Secret to Staying Calm in Stressful Situations

One of the perks of having a blog about Bitachon is that people share their stories with me. What I love most is that the stories are from regular people like you and me about the usual kinds of things that happen to people like you and me.

The following story was told to me by my friend Rivkah. As soon as I heard it, I felt I could relate to  it right away, and knew I wanted to tell it on The Bitachon Blog. She graciously allowed me to share her story with my readers.

Good parking spots are hard to come by at the train station. By leaving a bit earlier than other commuters, Rivkah is able to find a good parking spot on most days.

On this particular morning, however, Rivkah was running late.

Her boss had called with an emergency at 2 AM the night before. He told her to take her time in the morning, after the trouble he had caused in the night. But parking spots did not care how little you slept; they were just not available if you weren’t there early!

So Rivkah, tired and groggy, rolled out of bed, almost as bright and early as usual. On her way out the door, her sister called to ask about something important. Her schedule set back by a few more minutes now, she finally headed out.

As she was driving, Rivkah spotted an acquaintance walking to the station. She offered him a ride, which he gratefully accepted.

They arrived at the station and searched for a parking spot in the first lot. By this time, though, the lot was already full. Rivkah dropped off her passenger, and proceeded to the second lot to find somewhere to park her car.

She finally found an empty spot at the far end of the second lot. As she pulled in, she saw her train at the station. She quickly ran toward the train, hoping to squeeze in before the doors closed. Though she thought the conductor had seen her and waved her in, the doors slammed shut in her face as she arrived at the train.

What happens next?

I’ll bet you expected that she miraculously made the train after all, or the train crashed, or she had a life-changing experience on the next train.

Well, what really happened next was more spectacular than any of those!

Rivkah stepped back from the closed train doors and said to herself: “It is very clear that for some reason unknown to  me, Hashem wanted me to miss this train! Everything that could have gone wrong - did. This was clearly orchestrated special for me - to miss the train!”

This is real Bitachon!

Stories that end happily ever after are beautiful and often inspirational. In those types of stories, the reason becomes very obvious. The real challenge is having a relaxed and accepting attitude even when there is no “happily ever after”.

How did she do that?

Rivkah shared with me the secret of how she was able to react this way. She has been thinking about Bitachon ever since going to a class on the topic by Chevi Garfinkel, and also subscribes to The Bitachon Blog. When these sort of things happen, her reaction is a Bitachon reaction simply because of her Bitachon awareness!

Silly things - like missing the train - are a huge source of stress for many people. Though in hindsight they may seem inconsequential, in real time they can trigger strong emotions like anger, frustration, and even panic.

The key to remaining calm, cool, and collected is … Bitachon!

Even though I may not understand why things are happening or I would have wished for something different, I know that it’s all part of Hashem’s plan. Nothing happens by accident or by chance. My life, every little part of it, is tailor-made for me!

If you have a Bitachon success story, I would love to hear it!

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King David's Formula For Fortitude

The forty days from Rosh Chodesh Elul through Yom Kippur are called Yemei Ratzon, Days of Desire. This is because these forty days are an auspicious time for coming close to Hashem and doing teshuva (repenting). It is during this time, more than any other, that God desires our repentance and closeness.

During these weeks, there are certain acts that we do to help us do teshuva and to connect back with Hashem. For example, we blow the shofar every morning and we add phrases to the amidah (silent Shemoneh Esrei prayer) between Rosh Hashanna and Yom Kippur. We also recite Psalm 27 after the morning and afternoon prayers from the first day of the month of Elul right through the Holiday of Shemini Atzeres.

Psalm 27 - Have No Fear

This chapter in Psalms is very pertinent because besides from being one of my favorites, it is also all about Bitachon! (Maybe that is why I have always liked it so much!)

Dovid Hamelech (King David) begins by proclaiming:

Hashem is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? Hashem is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

The Malbim (Rabbi Meir Leibush ben Yechiel Michel Weiser, 1809-1879) explains that Divine Providence is brought about through clinging to Hashem. One who attaches himself to Hashem will find that Hashem’s constant watchfulness and protection will attach themselves to him.

One who trusts in Hashem does not need to fear. A righteous person will not be harmed, except in a momentary lapse of connection to Hashem or His service.

I remember learning in school that Dovid Hamelech knew he was destined to die on a Shabbos. He also knew that the Angel of Death had no power to harm him as long as he was studying Torah. Therefore, he made sure to study Torah the entire Shabbos long; in this way he could not die!

Hashem caused Dovid to lose his step and fall. He momentarily stopped studying Torah, and only because of this momentary lapse was the Angel of Death able to perform his duty.

Hashem is My Salvation . . . They Will Stumble and Fall

Dovid Hamelech continues to say that he will not fear those enemies who come to harm him. Rather, they will stumble and fall. If they wage war against him, Dovid says, his heart will not fear because he trusts in Hashem.

The Malbim notes that Dovid tells us “ … they will stumble and fall” and not “I will overcome them.” Even if King David does nothing to them, they will fall on their own because “Hashem is the strength of my life”. It is God, not Dovid, who will cause the salvation.

Our One Desire

Dovid Hamelech goes on  to say (verse 4):

I have only one request from Hashem which I seek: to live in the House of Hashem all my days of my life …

A man’s needs are constantly changing throughout his life. What he asks for today may be different from what he requested yesterday or what he may require tomorrow.

The one need which remains constant, the Malbim explains, is the need to be close to Hashem. It is through this need that all our other needs are met. This is what Dovid means when he says, “I have only one request” - only one request that is always. That one constant need is “to dwell in the House of Hashem” - in other words, to be close to Hashem.

Practical Bitachon

Take advantage of this special time.

  Teshuva, Tefillah, and Tzedaka (repentance, prayer, and charity) remove the evil of the decree. Try to do something in each of these areas that is more than what you were doing before, keeping in mind the goal of coming closer to Hashem. Bitachon is all about feeling that closeness to Hashem; what better time than now to take action!

1. Teshuva (repentance): Choose something small but measurable that you can improve upon in these weeks. Map out a plan by identifying specific action steps. By choosing something that is manageable, you increase your chances for success. This success will provide an excellent foundation to build upon.

2. Tefillah (prayer): If you don’t already pray, commit to praying a little bit every day throughout the holiday season. Choose a prayer with which you are already familiar, such as Shema or Modeh Ani (first prayer upon awakening), or choose a new prayer to learn. You can always talk to Hashem in your own words. Thank Him for what you have, ask Him for what you need.

    If you do daven (pray) daily, learn the meaning of a Tefillah that you don’t already know well. Focus or concentrate on a particular part of davening and try  extra hard to avoid distracting thoughts. Daven for someone else. Pray that Hashem bring you closer to Him!

3. Tzedaka (charity): At this time of the year, we all try to give a little more Tzedaka than usual. Choose a Jewish cause that is meaningful to you and donate your money and/or time.

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Effort vs. Trust and How to Make Decisions

This past Shabbos, my third-grader related a beautiful Torah thought that he learned in school. As soon as I heard it, I knew I had to share it on the Bitachon Blog!

The Torah teaches that if you see someone loading an animal with packages, you should help the owner to load the animal. However, if the owner does not assist, then you are not required to load the packages either.

So too, Hashem wants to help us with our work, with our endeavors. However, we must try as well. If we don’t try, then Hashem will not help us either.

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Effort vs. Trust

This idea touches on the age old balancing act between Effort and Trust.

Bitachon requires that I believe that everything that happens comes from Hashem. What I have or lack, what happens to me, my health, my job, my family - is all decided by Hashem.

But Bitachon also requires that I do my fair share. If I want Hashem to help me out, I had better show that I am trying as hard as I can. The passerby only has to help load if the owner is working too!

What exactly is “Effort”?

Effort means to try your best within reason.

Imagine you ask you child to clean his room. You recognize that this may be a difficult task for him to perform all on his own, and you offer to help him. What would you expect from your child?

Personally, I would expect to see active involvement. I am happy to guide, advise, and even sweep up the mess, as long as the child is working with me.

If he is throwing things away, picking clothes up off the floor, and returning toys to their places, I am thrilled to sort, collect, and pick up along with him. But as soon as he sits down on his bed to watch me work, I am done helping.

What one might expect from his child is a good barometer to measure what God expects from us. Hashem understands that we can't do it alone. But if we sit on the couch and put our feet up thinking that “God will provide!”, we may be in for a big surprise! Hashem will assist us, provided that we are working too.

Decision Making

There are 2 general types of decisions, and each requires a different approach:

1. Material matters

   When it comes to making decisions in the physical realm, it is often hard to know which choice will lead you to success.

   For example, you have an opportunity to buy a house. The real estate market fluctuates, and you cannot know whether the house will go up or down in value. Proper effort would require you to do some research and find out whether the market is expected to rise or fall. Once you have all the information in front of you, you must make an educated decision based on what your eyes can see.

   Let’s say you decided to pass on the house because an expert advised you that the market was likely to fall. You made the right decision based on research and expert opinion.

   It soon becomes apparent that the market has not fallen at all; it has skyrocketed beyond anyone’s expectations.

   

   This is where Bitachon comes in. You did your part - you put in your reasonable effort in making the decision. Whatever actually happens is due to Hashem’s decree. You did not make a bad decision; Hashem decided you were not meant to have that profit.

   Conversely, if you bought it and made a windfall on it, you still need to have Bitachon and attribute the success to Hashem. Your gain is also only because Hashem willed it to be so.

   (Needless to say, if you bought the house and its value dropped, you will need a large dose of Bitachon! As long as you did your proper effort before buying it, you need not feel bad about the loss, or feel that you made a bad decision. Here too, the loss was Hashem’s decree.)

2. Spiritual matters

   In the spiritual realm, you still have to put in your effort - lots of it.

   There is a major difference, though, when it comes to making decisions.

   In the physical realm, we have no way of knowing what is ultimately the right choice. In the spiritual realm, however, we do have a way of knowing what is right!

   Hashem gave us an instruction manual - the Torah! - to guide and teach us, to tell us what is right. The excuse “I just did what I thought would be best” doesn’t work, because we have the actual answer available to us!

   It is true that not everyone has sufficient Torah knowledge to come to the correct conclusion. But everyone has access to someone who does have that knowledge. Hashem provided us with Rabbis who are learned and experienced. They can and will happily answer our questions and guide us. Our proper effort is to learn or to ask!

   For example, you would like to take advantage of a great deal caused by a pricing error, but you are not sure whether this is ethical or not.

   Even though you may not personally know the answer, there is no need to guess! Is this permitted by halacha (Torah law) or not? You can find out the answer by calling a reliable Rabbi.

Practical Bitachon

1. Don’t use “Well that must be what Hashem wanted” as an excuse. You are responsible to put in a reasonable effort! If after all your efforts, you still fail, then “that must be what Hashem wanted”.

2. Regarding material decisions, do your due diligence and then decide according to what seems best. Hashem will take it from there!

3. Concerning spiritual matters, if you don’t know what is the right thing to do, ASK! (Tip: the more you study yourself, the better position you will be in to know what to ask, or how to ask! Sometimes relating all the pertinent details clearly can make all the difference!)

Discussion:

What do you  think constitutes a “reasonable effort”?

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To Travel or Not To Travel: That is the Question

This post about business travel was inspired by an excellent comment by Karen in response to Choosing the Right Profession - the Bitachon Way. If you haven’t already read it, you might want to consider reading that first.

Hypocrite!

There was once a businessman who traveled to a far away land on business. While he was there, he met one of the local idol-worshippers. The businessman asked the idolater, “How can you be so blind as to worship idols?”

The idol-worshipper replied, “And whom do you serve?”

“I serve the Creator,” responded The businessman. “He is able to do anything. He alone provides sustenance, there is none other who supports like He does.”

Retorted the idolater, “You are a hypocrite!”

“How so?” asked The businessman.

“If what you claim is true, then your God can support you in your city just as He can provide for you here! Why do you need to exert yourself to travel so far?”

The businessman realized that the idol-worshipper was correct. From that day on, he resolved to live a life dedicated to Hashem, and he no longer left his hometown in search of livelihood.

(From the Chovos Halevavos, Duties of the Heart, Gate of Trust, Introduction)

Does this mean it is wrong to travel for business?

As with most things in life, there is a proper time and place for everything.

There are some people who love to travel, to see new places, to have new experiences.

Some employees are paid by their employers for their travel time. They can then utilize their travel time to further their own goals, such as reading or studying (assuming that their employers don’t expect them to work on the plane).

The point is, if you are happy traveling, that is fine. If it feels right for you, then it probably is.

On the other hand, if traveling wears you down and takes you away from where you really want to be, then maybe you ought to think things through again. If you travel only because you feel that you have no choice, realize that you may have other options. Is it possible that you travel because deep down you don’t believe that Hashem can provide for you otherwise?

Yes, God requires you to make a real effort. But once you do your part, remember that Hashem can support you wherever you are!

Other Factors

There are other considerations that may affect your career or location decisions. These include the general things that make a person employable (which is certainly part of a person’s required effort!), such as:

• Do something you’re good at
• Get proper training and keep it up to date
• Maintain desirable work habits

See Parnassa (Livelihood) vs. Passion: A Follow-Up to “Choosing the Right Profession - the Bitachon Way” for a full discussion of these and other issues.

Disclaimer: Please do not go and quit your job after reading this post! Speak to a Rabbi who knows your personal situation well and can advise you!

Do

• Attribute your livelihood to God, no matter where is comes from.
• Hope. Even when things are tough, remember that Hashem is not limited!
• Put forth your best effort, and then trust Hashem to do what’s best for you.

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