Come Close to Me: Drawing Near to God Through Suffering

The Torah tells us that our foremothers, Sara, Rivka, and Rachel were barren. (Actually, it appears from the verse that Leah was initially unable to conceive as well, until Hashem “ … opened her womb”. See Rashi, Genesis 29:31.) It is no coincidence that they all had this challenge in common. The Midrash tells us:

…Why were the foremothers barren? … Hashem desired their prayers. Hashem said, “They are wealthy, they are beautiful - if I give them children, they won’t pray to me!” (Tanchuma Toldos 9)

When things are going well, we often forget about Hashem. However, when there are bumps along the road, we call out to God for help.

Though Mr. Gold was Sabbath observant all his life, he never really felt “close” to God. He went through all the motions, doing mitzvos and avoiding sin, but the real connection was just never there.

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Plane Scared: How Bitachon Can Help Calm Your Fears

This week, I found myself sitting on an airplane. Most of my attention was focused on entertaining my 15 month old son. This was no easy feat. He is extremely active, and all he wanted to do was walk up and down the aisle and talk to the (sleeping) passengers!

We waited calmly for the airplane to take off. Then, as soon as the plane began to race down the runway, my heart began to race inside of me. I suddenly felt terrified.

Though I have flown many times, I feel this same feeling upon takeoff on every flight. I don’t remember feeling that way as a child. I think that as my family has grown and my responsibilities have multiplied, I can’t push away the feeling that if something bad were to happen, it would affect a lot more than just me!

Jews are a people of prayer. We pray three times every day. On Shabbos and Holidays we add even more prayers. There are blessings for all sorts of usual and unusual items and events.

Of course, there is a prayer for travelers to recite on their way.

How comforting it was to recite the words of Tefillas Haderech (the traveler’s prayer) as the nose of the aircraft rose into the sky.

Please Hashem,“ I thought, "help us to arrive safely. Save us from anything bad that could happen on the way!”

I felt calm again as I reflected upon what I was saying. It is Hashem, and Hashem only, who guides our way. He is in charge of the plane, and He is in charge of all outcomes!

Hashem is accessible to us all the time. We do not have to fly in the sky in order to be close to Him. We can connect to God and trust in Him wherever we are, whenever we want.

Prayer is a very powerful way to connect. Whether by means of formal prayer or impromptu personal requests, when we ask God to fulfill our needs, we show Him and ourselves that we trust in Him. We ask Hashem to help us because we know the He is the only One who has the ability to assist.

Practical Bitachon

1. Take the time to daven! Even the busiest person can find a few minutes in her day or week to talk to Hashem. Ask Him for whatever you want and need. No request is too difficult and no desire is too trivial.

2. When you pray, make a mental note:

   It makes sense to ask Hashem, because Hashem alone can fulfill my needs!

   This will increase your trust in God.

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When Things Don't Go Your Way: 3 Tools for Dealing with Disappointment

Imagine this scenario:

It is Rosh Hashanna morning. You dress and feed the little ones, set the table, and head off to shul.

The shul has youth programs and even babysitting, to allow parents of any age child to participate in the services.

You are looking forward to the opportunity. After all, as a mother of young children, it is not often that you have a chance to daven in shul!

You make sure to arrive early enough to settle all the children in their respective programs. Everyone seems happy, except the baby. You remain with him for a while longer, until it is time to listen to the shofar. He seems to be okay as you slip out the door …

When you step out for a moment after shofar blowing, you meet a friend who has just come from the babysitting room. “Your baby is crying,” she informs you. “Maybe you should peek in through the glass in the door.”

Sure enough, your baby is screaming! Time to rethink. Certainly, God does not want you davening mussaf at shul while your baby screams at the babysitter.

So you retrieve your baby and other children after just a short stay at the youth programs. So much for the quiet prayers. So much for the inspirational davening!

I told you to imagine this scenario. I, on the other hand, do not have to imagine anything; this is exactly what happened to me on the second day of Rosh Hashanna this year!

How does a person deal with disappointment?

Bitachon requires me to believe that everything Hashem does is for the best. This can sometimes be tricky if you don’t know how to deal with frustration.

There are specific tools that can be used in this type of situation to help you cope with the letdown.

1. Maintain realistic expectations

   When you expect one thing and get another, you may feel frustrated or dissatisfied. Having realistic expectations does not mean expecting the worst; it means realizing that things may not go exactly as planned. When you are prepared for alternate possibilities, you are better able to adapt to the new situation.

   In the above example, I was well aware the my baby does not take fondly to babysitters. He is almost never in the care of any non-family member. He also  woke up early that morning, and I knew he would need to nap close to his regular time, shortly after the shofar blowing. It would have been foolish for me to expect him to be happy about being left with strangers when he was overtired!

   Going in with the attitude of “Wow, it would be so nice, but I know it may not really work out” rather than “This is the way it will be” made a huge difference in my level of disappointment. Sure, I would have loved to daven in shul, but at least I wasn’t crushed that I had to daven at home instead (with little people trying to get my attention the whole time!).

2. Gratitude: Focus on what went right, not what went wrong

   This one is crucial. If you maintain a positive focus, it can really keep things in perspective.

   By having gratitude for all that worked out well for me, it helped me to realize that not davening in shul was really not such a big deal in the larger picture. Here is a list of some things I am grateful for:

   • I have children to take care of.
   • I got to hear the first 30 shofar blasts in shul. This was especially important to me because my husband was blowing the shofar!
   • I got to hear shofar, daven mussaf, and stay in shul until the end of kedusha on the first day of Rosh Hashanna. Again, I valued this even more because my husband was the Chazzan on the first day!
   • If this had to happen on one of the two days of Rosh Hashanna, I was glad it worked out this way. I heard some of the Chazzan’s repetition on the day my husband was the Chazzan, and at least I made it for shofar on the day the he blew shofar!
   • I managed to daven mussaf at home, albeit not in the quietest environment.
   • The baby napped closer to schedule, so he went to sleep on time at night.

   I cannot stress enough how much this type  of attitude can help you! In any life situation, there is always something to smile about. If nothing else, you can be grateful that you are at least familiar with more pleasant situations than the one you are in!

3. Plan for the future

   Ask yourself: “What can I do differently next time to achieve a better outcome?”

   This shifts the spotlight from the undesired events and places it instead on an action plan for the future.

   Truthfully, in this particular instance, I don’t think there is anything I would change the next time! Yes, I would have loved to daven in shul, but no, I wouldn’t give up my role and responsibility as a mother to make that happen!

   I had already  done all that I could to help things along smoothly (such as leaving snacks, settling him in, even acclimating him to babysitting at shul for short periods over the previous few weeks). If it didn’t work out, it is because Hashem didn’t want it to be that way!

   However, there are many cases where we can do something to improve the odds of things working in our favor. This is part of our required hishtadlus (effort) and we certainly must not ignore this aspect.

What is your experience? Do you have an idea you would like to add to this list?

Wishing everyone a Sweet New Year and a meaningful High Holiday season!

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King David's Formula For Fortitude

The forty days from Rosh Chodesh Elul through Yom Kippur are called Yemei Ratzon, Days of Desire. This is because these forty days are an auspicious time for coming close to Hashem and doing teshuva (repenting). It is during this time, more than any other, that God desires our repentance and closeness.

During these weeks, there are certain acts that we do to help us do teshuva and to connect back with Hashem. For example, we blow the shofar every morning and we add phrases to the amidah (silent Shemoneh Esrei prayer) between Rosh Hashanna and Yom Kippur. We also recite Psalm 27 after the morning and afternoon prayers from the first day of the month of Elul right through the Holiday of Shemini Atzeres.

Psalm 27 - Have No Fear

This chapter in Psalms is very pertinent because besides from being one of my favorites, it is also all about Bitachon! (Maybe that is why I have always liked it so much!)

Dovid Hamelech (King David) begins by proclaiming:

Hashem is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? Hashem is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?

The Malbim (Rabbi Meir Leibush ben Yechiel Michel Weiser, 1809-1879) explains that Divine Providence is brought about through clinging to Hashem. One who attaches himself to Hashem will find that Hashem’s constant watchfulness and protection will attach themselves to him.

One who trusts in Hashem does not need to fear. A righteous person will not be harmed, except in a momentary lapse of connection to Hashem or His service.

I remember learning in school that Dovid Hamelech knew he was destined to die on a Shabbos. He also knew that the Angel of Death had no power to harm him as long as he was studying Torah. Therefore, he made sure to study Torah the entire Shabbos long; in this way he could not die!

Hashem caused Dovid to lose his step and fall. He momentarily stopped studying Torah, and only because of this momentary lapse was the Angel of Death able to perform his duty.

Hashem is My Salvation . . . They Will Stumble and Fall

Dovid Hamelech continues to say that he will not fear those enemies who come to harm him. Rather, they will stumble and fall. If they wage war against him, Dovid says, his heart will not fear because he trusts in Hashem.

The Malbim notes that Dovid tells us “ … they will stumble and fall” and not “I will overcome them.” Even if King David does nothing to them, they will fall on their own because “Hashem is the strength of my life”. It is God, not Dovid, who will cause the salvation.

Our One Desire

Dovid Hamelech goes on  to say (verse 4):

I have only one request from Hashem which I seek: to live in the House of Hashem all my days of my life …

A man’s needs are constantly changing throughout his life. What he asks for today may be different from what he requested yesterday or what he may require tomorrow.

The one need which remains constant, the Malbim explains, is the need to be close to Hashem. It is through this need that all our other needs are met. This is what Dovid means when he says, “I have only one request” - only one request that is always. That one constant need is “to dwell in the House of Hashem” - in other words, to be close to Hashem.

Practical Bitachon

Take advantage of this special time.

  Teshuva, Tefillah, and Tzedaka (repentance, prayer, and charity) remove the evil of the decree. Try to do something in each of these areas that is more than what you were doing before, keeping in mind the goal of coming closer to Hashem. Bitachon is all about feeling that closeness to Hashem; what better time than now to take action!

1. Teshuva (repentance): Choose something small but measurable that you can improve upon in these weeks. Map out a plan by identifying specific action steps. By choosing something that is manageable, you increase your chances for success. This success will provide an excellent foundation to build upon.

2. Tefillah (prayer): If you don’t already pray, commit to praying a little bit every day throughout the holiday season. Choose a prayer with which you are already familiar, such as Shema or Modeh Ani (first prayer upon awakening), or choose a new prayer to learn. You can always talk to Hashem in your own words. Thank Him for what you have, ask Him for what you need.

    If you do daven (pray) daily, learn the meaning of a Tefillah that you don’t already know well. Focus or concentrate on a particular part of davening and try  extra hard to avoid distracting thoughts. Daven for someone else. Pray that Hashem bring you closer to Him!

3. Tzedaka (charity): At this time of the year, we all try to give a little more Tzedaka than usual. Choose a Jewish cause that is meaningful to you and donate your money and/or time.

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