Why is it so hard to let go and trust another person? Why do we have confidence in some people, but find others to be undependable?
There are specific traits which determine a person’s dependability. The more of these traits he exhibits, the higher his “dependability score”. By examining the qualities of a person who is reliable, we can see why no mortal, and only God, can be completely trustworthy.
The author of Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart), Rabeinu Bachya Ibn Paquda, defines 7 criteria that are essential to developing complete trust. In the next few weeks, we’ll explore each of these, one at a time.
What qualities would make you feel you could depend on someone? Post your answers, and we’ll discuss number 1 in the next post!
For me, consistency is really important to trust someone. Do they regularly do what they say they will do or does it vary a lot? Do I know what to expect from them? Can I pretty much predict how they will behave or respond. The more consistent they are, the easier I find it to trust them.
ReplyDeleteConsistency is super-important. How can you trust someone who is unpredictable? More on this coming soon.
DeleteI have a really hard time trusting people who are always late. It's not only because I can't count on them to be where they said they would be when they said they would be there, but also because they seem to have little respect for my time or my feelings.
ReplyDeleteThis is essentially number 1 out of 7 traits we will be discussing. Hopefully this will be the topic of the next post!
DeleteI agree with both of the previous comments- people who generally do what they say they will do and show respect (by being prompt) for another person's time are part of what makes a person dependable. I would also add that, for me, communication is of high importance. Things do happen at times that make us late or unable to do something, but in this highly-connected day and age, it is not hard to communicate what is going on. This is not a substitute for being consistent and following through, but I find that dependable people usually attempt to communicate well.
ReplyDeleteThis is very interesting. I think you are saying that perhaps communication does not make a person dependable, but it is a good back up in the inevitable human situation where he is not or cannot be dependable. I guess communication makes sure that you don't leave the other person hanging when you can't come through for them.
DeleteI feel that trusting people is really hard which is probably why bitachon is hard as well. I agree with the prior comments that consistency is important but even consistency is not enough. People are human and as such dont always come through (even when they do have a history of coming through)
ReplyDeleteI have also been in situations with people i do trust where inapropriate things have come about. Its not that the person wasnt trustworthy, they are 100% so. The issues came about because of things that the trustworthy person wasnt even aware of. There is no doubt in my mind, that had they been aware of all the facts, they would have never put me in the situation i found myself in. I therefore think another aspect of trustworthyness would be being able to see the whole picture which is usually impossible for us mere mortals. I could be the most honest person in the world, but if you ask me for directions to a place I have never been to I wouldnt rely on the fact that I told you to turn left at a certain corner.
And with that same analogy, how many times has the GPS told people to go the wrong way down a one way street. The GPS is trustworthy but if it was given bad information its directions will not be reliable
This is an excellent point! We will get to this in another post coming soon . . .
DeleteI agree with all of the above, mainly reliability. Competency is important, too; I like to be able to have confidence that the person understands and is capable of the task.
ReplyDeleteYes! It is very important that the person is able to do the job!
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