The Shadchan and Habit #3: Able and Unstoppable

To illustrate Habit #3 of highly dependable people, consider the following (fictitious) example:

You want to get married, and you need a shadchan to help you find your life partner. Having read The Bitachon Blog, and wanting to work with someone dependable, you make sure to find a shadchan (matchmaker) who actually cares about you (see Habit #1: Love and Care). She listens to you, keeps you in mind (what good is a shadchan who forgets about you?), and returns your calls (see My Kitchen Timers and Habit #2: Attentive and Available). She even has some great guys to set you up with. You are beginning to feel excited.

Then, out of nowhere, things seem to go awry. One young man is “busy”, another is not interested, and a third is out of town for the summer. These factors are beyond the control of the shadchan, and certainly not her fault. There is nothing she can do to change the situation.

Finally, she comes up with an appropriate match who is available, and you go out on a date (yay!). You are sure this is “it”. Apparently, he is not. You beg the shadchan to convince him to go out again, but to no avail. He does not want to be convinced. She is unable to help you.

No human is completely dependable. Only Hashem is truly unstoppable!

As much as she wants to help you, the shadchan is only human. She is not always capable of achieving what you want. Sometimes she is prevented from doing what she intended.

Hopefully, we try to enlist the help of people who are mostly capable, but true ability belongs to Hashem alone! Hashem has the power to do anything He wants, even things that seem unlikely or impossible. If God decides to make something happen, there is nothing in the world that can stop Him! That is why He is called “Almighty”!

In the following true story, I never dreamed that things could have turned out so favorable …

My husband and I moved to Jerusalem when I was seven months pregnant with our oldest son. After a reasonable “maternity leave”, I reluctantly began to search for a job. I was not eager to leave my baby all day, but there were few listings for part-time positions. I sent out some resumes, and even went for a couple of interviews, but did not land a job.

Long after I was sure the opening had been filled, I received a call to come in for a second interview at a small little startup company. They offered me a full time job, and I accepted.

Somewhere between the time I applied for the position and the time I actually began to work, I became pregnant. If I thought leaving my baby all day would be hard, now I was tired and nauseous too! Working full-time was going to be a real challenge.

Aside from my boss, I was the first hired employee in the company. When I informed my boss that I was expecting, she began to panic. Though she was in the process of hiring another programmer, she really couldn’t afford to have half her staff missing for several weeks! I was certain when I went home that night that I was about to be fired.

The next day my boss called me into her office. She congratulated me on my pregnancy and apologized for her initial reaction. She was trying to work out a solution that would be fair to everyone … Would I possibly consider working part-time? This way she would have some funds left to hire a third programmer, and she would be covered in my absence.

Would I? Wow! There was nothing I wanted more!!

I actually remember talking about part-time vs. full-time at my interview. My boss was seeking only full-time employees. And now she was asking  me to do her a favor and work part-time!

Nothing is too difficult for Hashem!

Try it!

Here are some practical Bitachon exercises for Habit #3, Able and Unstoppable:

• Think of a situation that seemed hopeless, but then an unexpected solution arose.
• Appreciate some of the “usual” things we take for granted, such as family, livelihood, and waking up in the morning. These things can only happen because God decides they should.
• When you find yourself in a tight spot, consider possible ways, however far fetched, that God could solve your problem. If He chooses not to fulfill your desire, realize that it is not due to lack of ability. Rather, it is an indication that what you wanted wasn’t good for you.