The Package and Habit # 4: Knows What You Really Need

The Package

One day, a package comes in the mail. It’s from your cousin Anna! What could be inside? Wow! It’s a check for your birthday! How thoughtful!

Imagine the same scenario, but …

One day, a package comes in the mail. It’s from your cousin Bella! What could be inside? Wow! It’s a fur hat for your birthday! I live in Florida!! Who needs a fur hat in Florida?

What do you need?

In the above scenarios, both Anna and Bella actually care about you and want to help you. They really want to get you something that you need. The difference is that Anna knew what you needed, while Bella did not.

Over the past few posts, we have been discussing the 7 Habits of Highly Dependable People. So far, we have seen these habits:

1. Love and care
2. Attentive and available
3. Able and unstoppable

However, even if a person cares about you, is attentive and available, and is able to help you, she can’t assist you if she doesn’t know what you really need!

Who knows better?

I remember visiting my cousins once when I was a kid. My mother and my aunt were discussing some recent news in my cousin’s school. One girl was allergic to peanuts, and the whole school went peanut-free in order to accommodate her.

“After all,” my aunt explained, “every child deserves to go to school.”

My young cousin, listening to the exchange, replied in outrage, “What do you mean? No child deserves to go to school!!”

If it were up to the kids, they would forget about school, eat pizza and ice cream at every meal, and stay up all night every night. They can’t understand why those mean adults keep insisting on study, sleep, and good nutrition!

But what would happen if parents let kids do anything they wanted? Would that be good for them? Is that really what they need?

Part of being a dependable parent is giving a child what he needs, even if he does not like it, even if he does not think he needs it!

Do we really know what we need?

One night I took out pajamas for my three year old to wear. She came down a few minutes later, crying. She must have put both feet into the same pant leg, and her shorts were all the way up around her waist.

“Why did you give this to me?” she screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks. “It’s not good, why did you give it to me!”

The pajamas I gave her were just fine; she just didn’t know how to put them on!

Who really knows what we need?

Everything Hashem gives us is exactly what we need. But like my three year old, sometimes we just don’t know how to use it properly. Or maybe we fail to recognize that what we got was what we needed.

We wish we could do anything we want. If only we could fulfill our every desire! But is that really what we need?

Thankfully, Hashem is dependable to take care of our needs. Sometimes this feels great, like having food to eat and a place to sleep. Sometimes it is difficult, like insult or illness. But in every case, it is just what we need. One day, we may see that what we got was really just perfect. Or we may never understand.

Practical Bitachon

• In what ways do you see that Hashem knows what you need?
• Think about a situation where you got something other than what you thought you needed, but it really turned out to be just right.
• When you can’t see how your situation can possibly be what you need, consider this story from Rabbi Yisroel Reisman’s book, Pathways of the Prophets (p.170):

  A man walks into shul for Maariv one night, visibly disturbed about something. The Rav goes over to him after Maariv and asks him what is wrong. The man tells him that he was supposed to fly to Europe that night, and he got stuck in traffic and missed the flight. He could not get onto another flight, and he was stuck in America.

  “I have to cancel all of my meetings,” the man moans. “I’ll ruin my business. Why did this have to happen to me?”

  “What would happen,” asks the Rav, “if you wake up tomorrow and read in the newspaper that the flight crashed, and all 450 people on board died. What would you do then?”

  “I would give a kiddush!” the man exclaims. “I would be delighted that I missed the flight.”

  “You rasha [(wicked person)]!” the Rav responds. “Do 450 people have to die for you to see Hashem’s Hand in your life? Do you have to kill 450 people to say ‘thank you’ to Hashem?

  “Do the world a favor. Let those people live, and just see Hashem’s Hand in your missed flight.”

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The Shadchan and Habit #3: Able and Unstoppable

To illustrate Habit #3 of highly dependable people, consider the following (fictitious) example:

You want to get married, and you need a shadchan to help you find your life partner. Having read The Bitachon Blog, and wanting to work with someone dependable, you make sure to find a shadchan (matchmaker) who actually cares about you (see Habit #1: Love and Care). She listens to you, keeps you in mind (what good is a shadchan who forgets about you?), and returns your calls (see My Kitchen Timers and Habit #2: Attentive and Available). She even has some great guys to set you up with. You are beginning to feel excited.

Then, out of nowhere, things seem to go awry. One young man is “busy”, another is not interested, and a third is out of town for the summer. These factors are beyond the control of the shadchan, and certainly not her fault. There is nothing she can do to change the situation.

Finally, she comes up with an appropriate match who is available, and you go out on a date (yay!). You are sure this is “it”. Apparently, he is not. You beg the shadchan to convince him to go out again, but to no avail. He does not want to be convinced. She is unable to help you.

No human is completely dependable. Only Hashem is truly unstoppable!

As much as she wants to help you, the shadchan is only human. She is not always capable of achieving what you want. Sometimes she is prevented from doing what she intended.

Hopefully, we try to enlist the help of people who are mostly capable, but true ability belongs to Hashem alone! Hashem has the power to do anything He wants, even things that seem unlikely or impossible. If God decides to make something happen, there is nothing in the world that can stop Him! That is why He is called “Almighty”!

In the following true story, I never dreamed that things could have turned out so favorable …

My husband and I moved to Jerusalem when I was seven months pregnant with our oldest son. After a reasonable “maternity leave”, I reluctantly began to search for a job. I was not eager to leave my baby all day, but there were few listings for part-time positions. I sent out some resumes, and even went for a couple of interviews, but did not land a job.

Long after I was sure the opening had been filled, I received a call to come in for a second interview at a small little startup company. They offered me a full time job, and I accepted.

Somewhere between the time I applied for the position and the time I actually began to work, I became pregnant. If I thought leaving my baby all day would be hard, now I was tired and nauseous too! Working full-time was going to be a real challenge.

Aside from my boss, I was the first hired employee in the company. When I informed my boss that I was expecting, she began to panic. Though she was in the process of hiring another programmer, she really couldn’t afford to have half her staff missing for several weeks! I was certain when I went home that night that I was about to be fired.

The next day my boss called me into her office. She congratulated me on my pregnancy and apologized for her initial reaction. She was trying to work out a solution that would be fair to everyone … Would I possibly consider working part-time? This way she would have some funds left to hire a third programmer, and she would be covered in my absence.

Would I? Wow! There was nothing I wanted more!!

I actually remember talking about part-time vs. full-time at my interview. My boss was seeking only full-time employees. And now she was asking  me to do her a favor and work part-time!

Nothing is too difficult for Hashem!

Try it!

Here are some practical Bitachon exercises for Habit #3, Able and Unstoppable:

• Think of a situation that seemed hopeless, but then an unexpected solution arose.
• Appreciate some of the “usual” things we take for granted, such as family, livelihood, and waking up in the morning. These things can only happen because God decides they should.
• When you find yourself in a tight spot, consider possible ways, however far fetched, that God could solve your problem. If He chooses not to fulfill your desire, realize that it is not due to lack of ability. Rather, it is an indication that what you wanted wasn’t good for you.

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My Kitchen Timers and Habit #2: Attentive and Available

The following is a story to illustrate Habit #2:

I have a (very undependable!) habit that sometimes gets in the way when I am cooking or baking.  I put the food in the oven, or on the fire, and make a mental note of the time I need to return to retrieve it.  But alas, I get busy with something else and forget all about it.

One time, I put some eggs up to cook. I planned to close the fire before I put the baby to sleep. Somehow, I forgot all about the eggs, and went upstairs to take care of baby’s bath and bedtime.

As soon as I came out of the room, I could smell something was burning…

Oh no!  The eggs!

Whoops.

The timer

To solve this problem, I started setting the timer on my microwave to remind me when the food was done.

As long as I stayed in the kitchen, this worked really well.  The problem was, that sometimes the timer would ring while I was in the garage getting something from the freezer, or upstairs putting away the laundry.

Hmmm, not very effective. If I was not attentive to the timer, my food would still burn!

The portable timer

It seemed that what I really needed was a portable timer, something I could carry around with me so that I could not miss it if I was out of the room. This time, I could not fail!

So I put my challahs in the oven, set the timer, and took it along for a quick stroll with the kids, just down the block. We even turned around before the timer was due to ring, so that we would be home by the time the challahs were done.

Well, we didn’t quite make it back in time. When the timer rang, we were still half a block away, and not exactly available to take the challahs out of the oven. (Luckily we made it back quickly and they didn’t burn!).

Habit #2: Attentive and Available

After Love and Care (click here to read Habit #1: Love and Care), the next Habit of Highly Dependable People is that they are attentive and available.

First and foremost, the person you depend upon must care about you. But what if that person is never around? What if that person cares, but has no idea what is going on?

In order to be truly dependable, a person must be aware of the situation and available to help.

Why no human can be completely dependable

Let’s use the classic example of dependability: loving parents.

As loving parents, we like to think that we are completely dependable to our children. However, this is impossible, as we can’t possibly know what is going on in our children’s lives at every moment, nor can we be always available. Hopefully, we are mostly dependable, but true dependability belongs to God alone.

Hashem is aware of everything that goes on in every part of the world at every moment. He is available to help us all the time, even with the most trivial matters.

In Judaism, there is a prayer for everything, even a special prayer that we say after using the bathroom! It may seem like a funny time for a prayer. However, by thanking Hashem for allowing all of our bodily functions to operate smoothly, we acknowledge God’s involvement in every single aspect of our lives. There is nothing that is too small, unimportant, or personal for God to help us out, or to be “bothered” with. He is there watching out for us and waiting to guide our lives in all matters, big and small.

Try it!

This week, when you have a problem, try asking Hashem (in your own words) to help you. Feel that He is there, listening, and available to help you.

(Please note: Asking Hashem for help is not a guarantee that the help will be in a form that you like or understand! There are many reasons that our requests may or may not be fulfilled. Either way, asking Hashem to help you will bring you closer to Him, and will drive home the message that He is really ready and available to you all the time.)

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Baby Steps: Enjoying the Bitachon Process

In the last two weeks, I have been watching something truly amazing.  Shortly before his first birthday, my baby began standing independently.  He took one, then two, then four steps. We clapped for seven, cheered for ten, and marveled at fifteen.

No one made fun that he fell after two steps, or that he could not make it all the way across the room. No one expected him to fetch slippers or bring in the mail or walk up the stairs. We all just smiled and enjoyed watching his learning process. No one was disturbed that he hadn’t yet reached the end goal. His improvement, however slight, was enough to elicit oohs and aahs from us all.

Learning to trust in God is a process. It is something we practice in baby steps; one stride today, one more tomorrow. Focus on the growth, pick yourself up when you fall down, and before you know it, you’ll be running!

Here are some Bitachon baby steps you can take today:

• Don’t get angry over something trivial (like a messy spill – this annoyance was Heaven-sent)
• If you already got angry, let go of your anger. (Here too, aim to recognize that the mishap or misdemeanor was Heaven-sent. Just because you missed the opportunity to exhibit Bitachon when it first happened does not mean you can't have a second chance!)
• Remind yourself that Hashem loves you (think of three things you are thankful for)
• Don’t worry, be happy (worry won’t help, trust that the outcome will ultimately be whatever Hashem has chosen for you)
• Think: “How can I grow from this situation?”. There is an opportunity for growth hidden in every challenge.
• Remember: Bitachon doesn't mean that the situation isn’t difficult. It means trusting that Hashem is running the show and that what He is doing is good for me, even if I don’t know why.

I’m sure you can add many more to this list! Just pick one that’s appropriate and do it!

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Habit #1: Love and Care

To which babysitter would you entrust your child?

Babysitter #1

It is a hot summer day. Joanne arrives at the park with her two young charges. She plops down on a park bench and faces the baby carriage away from herself.

“I don’t want the toddler to wander far,” she thinks. “I’ll take off his shoes to make sure he won’t need much chasing.”

Eventually, she takes off the toddler’s clothes and allows him to run in the sprinkler. The line of vision from Joanne to the sprinkler is obstructed, but at least this activity should keep the little guy busy for a while.

After his water play, the toddler returns to the bench where Joanne is sitting. His diaper is puffed out like a cloud, but Joanne does not bother to change him.

Joanne has spent two and a half hours sitting on the park bench without getting up even once …

Babysitter #2

Malky is a chassidishe mother of 9 living in Jerusalem. She earns a living by babysitting her neighbor’s two small children while their mother, Leora, is at work.

One day, Leora develops a complication in her pregnancy. She spends some time on bed rest, and the situation improves. For the remainder of the pregnancy, she is under strict doctor’s orders to refrain from labor intensive tasks, such as cleaning and lifting children.

Malky watches Leora’s children extra hours each day (paid). She feeds them dinner and even takes the initiative to give them baths without being asked. All this while she herself is in a late stage of pregnancy!

Where’s the focus?

What is the glaring difference between Joanne and Malky?

Joanne does not appear to care about the children she was hired to watch. She seems to care only about herself.

In contrast, Malky loves Leora’s children and is concerned for their welfare.

Criterion #1 of 7: Love and Caring

In order to trust another, I must first feel that he loves me and cares about what happens to me.

Since we are working on Bitachon, Trust in God, let’s apply this back to Hashem:

Hashem loves you and cares about you more than any mortal can, even more than your parents do!

Today’s challenge

Make a list of 25 things that show Hashem loves you.

Some examples:

• I woke up this morning
• I have food to eat
• I have electricity in my home
• I have friends and family
• I have my own unique personality, talents, and job in this world

This is essentially an exercise in hakaras hatov, recognizing the good. This is a vital quality in any relationship!

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The 7 Habits of Highly Dependable People

Why is it so hard to let go and trust another person? Why do we have confidence in some people, but find others to be undependable?

There are specific traits which determine a person’s dependability. The more of these traits he exhibits, the higher his “dependability score”. By examining the qualities of a person who is reliable, we can see why no mortal, and only God, can be completely trustworthy.

The author of Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart), Rabeinu Bachya Ibn Paquda, defines 7 criteria that are essential to developing complete trust. In the next few weeks, we’ll explore each of these, one at a time.

What qualities would make you feel you could depend on someone?  Post your answers, and we’ll discuss number 1 in the next post!

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Sweeta by Ita Giveaway and Progress Report: How's Your Stress?

The goal of this blog is to help you (and me!) connect to Hashem and relieve stress through Bitachon.
Thanks to everyone who has been following and commenting for helping to make this blog a success!

Let’s reflect on our progress so far.  We’ve only been working on Bitachon for a couple of weeks now, but I feel that many of us have made significant progress in this short time. When we recognize our accomplishments, it motivates us to do even better!

Here are the questions I’d like you to answer:

1. Compared to before we began the blog/class is your stress level:
    a) higher
    b) lower
    c) the same
2. Compared to before we began the blog / class, do you feel your connection to God is:
    a) weaker
    b) stronger
    c) the same
3. What has helped you the most in your quest for Bitachon?
4. What is your biggest obstacle to achieving Bitachon?
5. Additional comments:

OK, I’ll go first:

1. Compared to before I began the blog, my stress level is lower.
2. Compared to before I began the blog, my connection with Hashem is stronger.
3. What has helped me most while working on Bitachon is writing this blog. It helps keep me focused on Bitachon all week long!
   

   Additionally, having a variety of prepared phrases to deal with life’s challenges really helps keep things in perspective. (Suri mentioned this too in her comment on True Story: Bitachon in action).
   

   For example:
   

   • “I guess it was(n’t) meant to be” when things don’t go as planned
   • “Whatever Hashem wants, that is what will happen” when things seem uncertain
   • “You do your best and Hashem will do the rest” when I’ve done all that I reasonably can, but still feel inadequate

4. My biggest challenge to attaining Bitachon is remembering to have the right attitude at the right time.
   

   My initial reaction to a situation that is out of my control, or something that has gone “wrong” is not always the Bitachon attitude that I would like to have. Sometimes there may still be an initial “panic”, worry, or stress.  But I find that I am more likely to catch myself quickly – often within seconds.  

   The key is to keep moving in the right direction and not to worry too much about perfection!

5. Comments:
   

   This blog post was just about finished and set to go, but I didn’t have a chance to actually publish it right away. In the meanwhile, I had a rough afternoon.  Nothing terribly out of the ordinary – just everything all at once.  A kvetchy toddler whining at exactly the same time that the baby was trying to squirm off of the changing table, all as we were supposed to be leaving the house …
   Even as my head said “This is what Hashem wants”, I felt tense and stressed.
   “But you’re supposed to have this worked out!” my insides shouted. “You’re the one giving the class!”
   Yet still, I was tired and snappy. Okay, I tried not to act too snappy, but I sure felt that way!
   I guess the point is that there will always be some “downs” to go with the “ups” in life. When that happens, we just have to pick ourselves up and start climbing again!
   Also, it’s helpful to realize that no one is perfect.  We’re all working on this together!

Sweeta By Ita Giveaway

As an added bonus, I’m giving away a $5.00 Sweeta By Ita gift certificate to one randomly selected participant! Just fill out the Bitachon Survey to enter! All entries must be submitted by Tuesday, July 17, 2012.

Click here to take the Bitachon Survey and enter the Sweeta by Ita Giveaway!

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Hate, Peace, and Bitachon

The Three Weeks of Mourning

The days from the fast of the 17th of Tammuz (observed this past Sunday, July 8, 2012) until the fast of the 9th of Av (observed Sunday, July 29, 2012), is a time of mourning and sadness for the Jewish people.  Both temples were destroyed during this time, and many calamities befell the Jewish nation throughout the years during these three weeks. (Read more about the “three weeks”).

The sin which brought about the destruction of the second  Beis Hamikdash (Holy Temple) was sin'as chinam, baseless hatred between Jews.  This is also the sin that we need to correct in order to rebuild the Temple once again.

It’s not baseless, there’s a good reason!

For years, I struggled with this concept. What on earth is baseless hatred? No sane person hates another for no reason at all! Surely, if one person hates another, there is a good reason.

Why do people hate each other?

Hatred usually results from some variation of the following:

• He insulted me, she hurt me
• She chose not to help me when she could have
• She excludes me from the conversation
• He is inconsiderate; he doesn’t care about my needs
• He’s not nice to me

Etc, etc.

A person hates another when he feels the other person hurt him in some way. He may feel this way even if the slight was unintentional; all the more so if it was careless or purposeful.

Will the true cause please stand up!

In last week’s post, Return to Sender, I discussed how Hashem is really the root cause of everything that happens, even when it appears otherwise. This is true even when the apparent cause is another person. As difficult as it is, real Bitachon requires that I recognize the nasty clerk’s rude comment as coming from God, just as I would perceive a natural disaster or illness as a God-sent challenge. The other guy is just a messenger of Hashem.

Doesn’t this absolve the guilty party?

Whatever happened to personal accountability? If it’s all really coming from Hashem, does that mean the offender is off the hook?

One of the subjects I studied daily in high school was Navi, books of the Prophets. There were certain patterns that repeated themselves again and again.  One such pattern was a cycle where the Jewish people would sin, God would send another nation  to punish them, and then God would punish that nation for hurting the Jews.

How is that fair?

If God sent that nation to punish the Jews, how can He hold them responsible for their actions?

The offending nation could have refused to do the deed. God has  many messengers; these people did not have to be the ones to do it. If they chose to do a bad thing, they are held responsible. Additionally, perhaps God only requested a limited amount of suffering to come through this nation, but the nation tried to inflict more than that upon the Jewish people. Any effort to hurt beyond what Hashem prescribed is clearly of their own doing, and they are held responsible.

Similarly, a person is not absolved of responsibility for his actions just because “it was meant to be”.  The fact that nothing happens unless Hashem intends it to happen does not let the attacker off the hook. Any person who hurts another person purposefully is held fully accountable for his actions.

However, when I am on the receiving end of the insult or hurt, it is my job to see God’s loving hand in the punch, not the other guy’s fist. This means attributing the blame to the source, Hashem, and not to the messenger, my fellow Jew. Hating the messenger is baseless hatred.

Example:

(All names have been changed)

In many Jerusalem apartment buildings, the stairwell lighting works much like the sink in a public restroom. You press a button to turn it on, it stays on for a few minutes, then turns off automatically (usually when you’re in between landings with your hands full!). In many religious buildings, the lights stay on all Shabbos, since no one can press the button to turn them on.

The Goldberg family moved from their religious neighborhood to be closer to their parents. Some of the families in their new building were religious, others were not.

Upon their arrival, one of the neighbors, Mr. Groucho, informed them that the stairway lights remained off in that building on Shabbos. If they were having an electrician come to do work anyway, Mr. Groucho recommended installing a light in the hallway and connecting it to their own apartment. This way the Goldbergs would have a light on the stairs, since they would be paying for the electricity themselves.

One week, the Goldbergs were away for Shabbos.  When they returned, they were accosted by Mr. Groucho.  He ranted and raved that by not leaving on their personal light while they were away, they put the entire building in danger!  Someone could have been hurt and it was all their fault!

The audacity!  The building would not supply the Goldbergs with light on Shabbos, and had been without any light in the hall on Shabbos for years before their arrival.  Mr. Groucho told them to get their own light, and now he is complaining that they didn’t leave on the light?

The Goldbergs, however, did not respond in kind. If they were meant to be harassed or insulted, it came from Hashem, not from Groucho. Mr. Groucho would have to account to God for his actions, and it would not help the Goldbergs to get aggravated over the situation. Instead, they just thanked him for letting them know, and moved on.

By the way, this type of interaction with Mr. Groucho is not an isolated incident. He is constantly accusing the Goldbergs and other neighbors, and is generally hard to get along with. Bitachon is not only for one-time encounters; it is a way of life and a way of peace!

Try it!

This week, when someone is mean to you or insults you, remember that suffering comes only from Hashem. No one can inflict difficulty on you that Hashem has not decreed.

Try not to get angry at the person who hurt you. It is Hashem’s business to punish him (like the nations who hurt the Jewish People), not yours. And remember, if Hashem has sent difficulty your way, there must be a reason that you need it!

Your story inspires others!  If you have success, post a comment to share with all our readers!

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Jumping to Conclusions: How Sure Are You?

My husband recently went to BJ’s to buy me some chicken, and came home with one of his favorite vacation foods: soft pretzels. After he loaded the pretzels into the freezer, I stashed away the packets of pretzel salt in a cabinet. Some of our children are allergic to this snack, so we try to enjoy them at night, after everyone is asleep.

One child noticed the pretzel salt in the cabinet.

“Why do we have pretzel salt?” he asked. “For pretzels? We don’t even have any pretzels in the house! I know there are no pretzels in the house!”

He repeated this several times, so confident in his assessment. After all, he knew there were no pretzels in the house!

Hold the judgement!

There was no way for him to know that the reality was otherwise. His conclusion was based on whatever evidence was available to him at the time.

That is where he erred.

And that is where we err all the time.

We are constantly making judgements and assumptions. In fact, we do it so often that we don’t even have to think about it; it just happens automatically.

“That’s so unfair!” we think. “How could God let that happen to him?  He’s such a good person!”

“There is no reason she should have to deal with this. She already has enough on her head!”

When I was a teenager, I was sure I knew everything. To grow up is to realize that I don’t know everything.  There may be more than meets the eye. There may be parts of the equation that I will never find out.

How, then, can a person ever reach any conclusion?

I must make decisions, large and small, based on the information I have in front of me. I will never have all the facts; this is the best I can do.

But I must not pass judgement based on this insufficient evidence.  There is almost certainly more detail that is not available to me!

If you find this difficult, keep in mind that:  
1. God is incredibly loving  
2. Everything Hashem does is ultimately for your benefit

I dare you!

Here is a challenge for you to try today:

When you encounter something that seems unfair, unnecessary, or just plain bad, think of at least one way that it can be viewed positively.

Example: Your boss is really nasty or demanding.

Your initial negative judgement: “Why did I get stuck in this rotten situation? There’s no reason I should have to go home with a headache every day!”

Alternate positive view: “Maybe this experience will help to prepare me for something in the future. Or maybe it is bad enough that I will end up leaving this job for one that is more satisfying or financially rewarding.”

Share your success by posting a comment!

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Return to Sender - The Root Cause of Success and Disaster

It is a beautiful spring day.  The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and a light breeze ruffles the leaves on the trees.  You go outside to sit on the front porch and enjoy the weather.

Along comes the mailman.  He smiles broadly as he knocks on your neighbor’s door.  “Package for you!” he announces cheerily.

Your neighbor accepts the package, and tears it open immediately.  Though you can’t see what’s inside, you surmise that this wasn’t what he was hoping for.  His face is red with anger and you can hear him shouting at the mailman.  A torrent of insults rains down upon the poor mailman’s head for bringing this unwanted package.

What is wrong with this scene?

Something about this picture just doesn’t make sense!

What did the mailman do to deserve this treatment?  He was just doing his job - delivering the mail!  Whatever was in the package was certainly not his fault!

The mailman is just the last chain in a link that delivered the package to this man’s door.  The real source is the person who sent the package – maybe his wife, a friend, or a child.

The blame for this package goes to the sender, not the mailman!  Likewise, while a “thank you” is certainly in order to the mailman for delivering a package, the real credit must be attributed to the sender.

Who would act that way?

You are probably thinking, “This is a ridiculous example.  No one would really act that way!”

Yet so many do.

Who is the ultimate source of everything that happens in this world?  Yet who gets the blame when you are laid off?  Who gets the credit when you get a bonus? Whose fault is it that the car crashed?  And who paid for that shiny, sleek new car?

It is easy to blame your boss or that crazy driver.  You can pat yourself on the back for all your hard work and you can thank your auto insurance.  But isn't it just as ridiculous as yelling at the mailman?

Hashem is the real root of all that happens.

Of course, we have to put in effort.  Of course, we have to try.  But without Hashem’s blessing, all the effort in the world will not bring success.  It is our job to accept the bad and to thank Him for the good.  And it is our task to realize that all of it is custom ordered just for us.

Where in your life can you choose to see the hand of Hashem?  For an added challenge, try to recognize Hashem’s involvement even as the story unfolds!

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True Story: Bitachon in Action

In a post last week, I asked which everyday situations might better be handled with Bitachon (see Feeling Stressed?  See How Bitachon Can Help!).

Suri insightfully answered, “…cases of the should haves.”

This a common scenario where we beat ourselves up about the things we should have done or should have thought of, even though we obviously didn’t.

It is my job to do my best.  Once I have done that, I do not need to worry about what I should have or could have done differently.  If Hashem had wanted me to succeed, then I would have thought of the thing I should have thought of!  If I didn’t, it’s because I wasn’t meant to.

The following true story about a young kollel couple is a fabulous example of this concept in real life:

Click here to read Bitachon Workshop: No Regrets

Wow!  That is Bitachon!

A special thanks to my husband for finding this story and the Bitachon Workshop!

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