One day, about two weeks ago, I noticed that my eight year old son’s tooth was crooked. It was one of his top, front teeth, and it was jutting out at a thirty-degree angle.
I did not remember it always being this way. It was rather obvious - hard to miss, really. How could I not have seen it until now?
The following is a guest post by my friend Rivkah. Though it was written prior to Yom Kippur, the message is timeless.
It’s Wednesday night, September 11th, 2013. Yom Kippur is on Friday night; 48 hours to go. I just returned from a very inspirational speech, given by Mr. Charlie Harrari in one of the shuls in town. He talked about many different things, but one thing he repeatedly mentioned is that as Jews - and especially as Jews on Yom Kippur - we need to remember one thing: who we are and what we are fighting for.
He discussed that the thing that makes us special, the thing that makes us Hashem’s chosen people is that we take everything in this world and we try to understand and publicize G-d’s connection to it. We wear a new outfit, we say a brocho. We put something in our mouths, we say a brocho. We get married, have children, get saved from a life threatening situation – we say a brocho and acknowledge that G-d is involved in that situation, in our lives and in this world. So often we see Hashem’s hand in the events of our lives and we thank Him for all His assistance.
Mr. Harari contrasted that with Amalek. Amalek is a nation written about in the Torah who has proven time and again that his goal in life is to completely wipe the Jewish people off of the planet. As Mr. Harari explained, Amalek is all about removing G-d from this world. He is about enjoying the pleasures of this world for pleasure’s sake. He is about wanting more and forgetting who you are in order to attain it. And that is why he cannot stand us. That is why his ultimate goal is to destroy us.
Today was an emotional day in the New York area. This morning there was a ceremony that lasted over 5 hours. The majority of that time was spent just reading the names of and remembering the more than 3,000 people whose lives were cut short on this same date 12 years ago. The names were all read by family members of the people who were lost on that day. The ceremony is always emotional and the pain that these family members continue to feel just adds to the tragedy that began on that Tuesday morning 12 years ago.
There was so much pain on that day. But if all we can see is the pain, then all we are seeing is Amalek. There also has to be G-d who can be found on that day.
The Gemarah brings down 2 quotes. One comes from a great man named Nachom Ish Gam Zu. Whenever anything happened to him he always said that “This too is for the best”. The other quote came from the great sage Rabbi Akiva. He said “Everything that G-d does is good”
While at first pass these quotes may seem identical, the difference between the two is amazing. Both quotes signify different levels in our faith in G-d that we should be trying to attain. While the first quote is basically saying that everything that comes from G-d will eventually turn out for the best, the second quote is saying that everything, right here and right now is good. We may not see it; we may not understand it; but we have to know in our hearts that it is good.
So where was the good in those terror attacks? Some found the good in all of the amazing stories of people who were usually in the twin towers at the time of the attacks, but for some reason weren’t there yet. Whether it was the group of people who were fired the week before, the father who went with his son to get his cast removed, or the father who was filling out a form for his family. All of these are amazing and miraculous stories, but they are looking at the situation as “This too is for the best”. The weakness of looking at things in this way is there are also stories where the opposite occurred. People who weren’t ‘supposed’ to be there but were, like the woman who had her job interview rescheduled from the prior week; or the tourists who were vacationing that day; or the guy who was rescheduled onto one of the doomed flights. They also had the Divine hand leading them; but the hand was leading them to be caught in the storm. So where is the good in their circumstances? Is the situation good or is it bad?
That’s where Rabbi Akiva’s beliefs come in. These situations aren’t good because eventually good comes out of them or because they cause something in the future to happen, which is good. Every situation has both ‘good’ and ‘bad’ coming out of it. These situations are good because they are good. G-d is all good so everything he does is plain and simply good. I am not at the level where I can see the September 11th attacks as good. I don’t know why they had to happen. I don’t know why so many people still need to feel so much pain as a result of them. In my gut it doesn’t feel good. But I do believe that Rabbi Akiva would be able to look at even this situation and see it as good.
Recently an incident happened at work. A mistake was made, and I had a choice: keep quiet and pretend I didn’t notice anything, or accept responsibility.
Even though it was really difficult, and I knew that there would be negative consequences, I made what I thought was the honest and ethical choice. As a result of my choice there were repercussions that I, and worse, even others were forced to pay. I felt that these consequences were exaggerated and unfair (especially to those who should never have been punished) and this caused me to feel a lot of guilt and anger.
I walked away from this incident feeling like I made the wrong choice. That choosing what I still believed to be the ethical path was the wrong decision and if I had to do it all over again I should and would chose the unethical path.
I realized tonight that feeling this way is letting Amalek win. That is exactly how they want the world to operate. They want a world without G-d, which means that they want a world without morals and values, and they definitely want a world where people regret having morals and values. We have a Torah obligation to wipe them out. This means that even when it seems impossible, we have to fight for what we know is right. We have to know what’s moral and ethical and we have to do everything in our power to try and live up to those values.
As Yom Kippur arrives, I am still not totally sure of who I am. I think that I will have to spend a lifetime answering that question. What I hope to be in the coming year is the type of person who can see the good and the type of person who will fight for connection with Hashem. I also hope to be the type of person who will be able to show others G-d’s connection to the events in this world. I pray that we will all be able to look at any ‘bad’ situation and see it as good. Not just by looking for the eventual good outcomes, but by truly seeing it as good.
First and foremost, thank you to all of the readers who commented on Molly's Story! I appreciate your participation, and enjoyed reading your thoughts!
If you answered "right", you are right!
Let's begin by reviewing the basic definition of Bitachon.
Bitachon means "Trust in God". I can relax because I know that:
This is another way of saying that nothing is by chance. Hashem is running this world. He oversees even the tiniest details.
Nothing happens by accident, and nothing can transpire without God's consent.
The fact that Hashem is orchestrating my life is only comforting because I know He will only do what is best for me.
I trust that even when I can't see or understand, there is a very good reason. Somehow, this unpleasant event is for my ultimate benefit.
See also The Package and Habit # 4: Knows What You Really Need .
In other words, I trust that God is in charge and that He will only do what is good for me. (See Bitachon: What it isn't, What it is)
As Karen pointed out, Molly correctly accepted that the damage was from God (see #1 above). Karen also notes that this Bitachon reaction cannot be a cop-out or excuse, as Molly was not negligent in the first place, and did do everything in her power to prevent further damage.
(See this story and its follow-up answer for more on the requirement of effort. Also see Effort vs. Trust and How to Make Decisions and Why Work for a Living?)
Evalinrose agrees that Molly displayed correct Bitachon, but also indicates that the "All is for the best" component (see #2 above) seems to be missing. This is an excellent observation! Our Bitachon is more complete when we not only accept, but also acknowledge that the situation must be good somehow.
In all fairness, though, the "All is for the best" component is sometimes implied in the acceptance. For example, a standard "Bitachon statement" might be "I accept Your will, Hashem", or "If that's Your will, then it's my will too". What I believe a person actually means by saying these is "I accept Your will, Hashem, because I know that You will only do what is best for me!".
One of the major benefits of Bitachon is that it helps us to manage stress and to remain calm in difficult situations. Commenter Mommy points out how Molly's Bitachon reaction also helped her to deal with the problem at hand and keep peace with her neighbor. How true!
Many others in the same place would lash out at the neighbors, reprimanding them for their negligence (or perhaps simple ignorance!). Molly was able to be level-headed about the whole ordeal because of her Bitachon.
Molly displayed a correct Bitachon reaction. This helped her to interact in a positive way with her neighbors and to keep things in perspective (" . . . certainly not the worst thing in the world"). Molly (and all of us!) should keep in mind that everything Hashem does is for the best.
Delayed gratification is “the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later reward” (Wikipedia).
Examples:
On a diet
I can eat the chocolate bar (instant gratification), or I can resist the temptation now and have a favorable reading on the scale later (delayed gratification).
Study habits
I can party with my friends, pass notes, and daydream during class (instant gratification), or I can pay attention in class and study hard now so that I can attend the college of my choice later (delayed gratification).
Needless to say, it is easier to delay gratification when you know that the gratification will eventually come. A third grader may not really understand or care why it is so important to succeed in school. University is many years away, and college applications are not on his mind yet!
However, in real life, we often don’t know when the gratification will come. We see only the sacrifice and denial of the moment. We wonder if the good will ever arrive.
When the kids come home on Friday afternoon, there is always a lot to be done. Even though most of the cooking and cleaning is already done, the children still need to bathe and eat. In addition, I have a little challah bakery on Fridays, and customers come to pick up their orders on Friday afternoon. There is never any shortage of things to do on Fridays!
Usually we encourage the older ones to get started with their showers as soon as they get home. This way, there is enough time for everyone to bathe.
But this week, they just didn’t seem to be moving along. Every time I inquired whether someone had showered, the person seemed to be upstairs, talking to my visiting in-laws.
Now, I am all for fostering relationships with grandparents. But couldn’t they talk after their showers, or during the week, or on Shabbos? Did it have to be right now, while they were supposed to be getting ready for Shabbos?
We did finally manage to get everyone ready for Shabbos in plenty of time, and I forgot all about it.
This morning, when I put on my apron to bake, my children suddenly ran upstairs. They came down waving a brand new apron (pictured). “Surprise!” they shouted.
Boy, was I surprised!
As it turns out, they made the apron last Friday, when they were all so busy with my mother-in-law and father-in-law upstairs!
So often, there is a good reason for what is going on that we just don’t know. As human beings, we are limited by what our eyes can see. This certainly applies to people, who sometimes have good intentions but other times do not.
How much more does this apply to Hashem, who loves and cares for us and always has our best interests in mind!
He knows exactly what we need, and he delivers every time!
When something in life isn’t going smoothly, remember that Hashem is busy making your “surprise apron”! Whatever that surprise may turn out to be, it is something that is good for your body or soul.
Unlike the apron, we may never figure out which “surprise” was born from the wait. We can’t always make a direct correlation. This makes the challenge greater. Nevertheless, we must feel and know that all Hashem does is wonderful!
Think of an example where you actually saw your “surprise apron”. Though we often don’t recognize our “surprises” for what they are, occasionally it is very obvious. Use these cases to bolster your Bitachon!
Share your “surprise apron” example (everybody has one!) by posting a comment.
Literally, the Hebrew word Bitachon means trust or security.
When used in Jewish philosophy, Bitachon refers specifically to trust in Hashem.
There is often confusion regarding this concept.
The correct term to refer to belief in God is Emunah. Indeed, Emunah, the belief that God exists, is essential to attaining trust in Hashem.
But Emunah, belief, and Bitachon, trust, are two distinct concepts. (I hope to elaborate more on Emunah in another post).
I guess this one depends on your definition of okay. If okay means that everything will turn out the way you want it to, then this statement is false. If okay means that whatever God does is okay with you, then maybe you’re onto something …
Trust in God is not an excuse to be lazy. You don’t need to worry, but you do need to make a reasonable effort.
What Bitachon really means is that Hashem knows what is best for me, and will only do what is in my best interest.
Admittedly, sometimes this may be in conflict with what I think is best for me. Bitachon tells me that I need to trust that God knows better. Nothing happens by chance.
Even when I see Bad with my own eyes, it is really Good dressed up in disguise!
Photo by Carlos Smith