We count the Omer for forty-nine days. The count begins on the second day of Pesach and continues right up until Shavuos.
As a young adult, I had a decent, though not perfect, track record. With the added responsibility of raising a family, however, my success rate dropped drastically. I often missed a day fairly early - usually within the first week.
The Power of Habit
The secret to success was unexpectedly revealed to me one Pesach. We spent Pesach at my parents house, and my aunt and uncle were there as well. I don’t remember how it began, but my aunt and I acted as Omer buddies; whoever remembered to count first reminded the other to count too.
Something happened that year that just amazed me: though my aunt and uncle went home just a few days later, I continued to count! Once I was in the habit of counting every night, my brain began to remember on its own, even without my aunt there to remind me.
This was a major revelation to me. As long as this part of my day was left unplanned, I could expect to fail. If I could somehow establish a routine whereby I remembered to count for the first week or so, my chances of continuing through to the end increased tremendously!
Bitachon in Daily Life
Many people realize the value of Bitachon. They know that trusting in God will decrease anxiety and increase their peace of mind. They know it will open a conduit of blessing into their lives. Bitachon helps to establish a deep connection with Hashem and it is a great mitzvah.
The problem is that it can be difficult to remember Bitachon when it comes to real life situations. We become so wound up in our problems that we totally forget to apply Bitachon!
Examples
Note in each of the following examples how frustration or hurt causes a lapse in Bitachon:
Your child accidentally spills his drink all over your just-mopped floor. Can’t it ever stay clean for more than ten minutes?
You get stuck doing jury duty during your busy season - yikes! Why do these things always come at the worst times?
A colleague comes to work sick. You catch the bug and miss several days of work too! You feel that it’s all her fault!
Some people have lots of friends, but you don’t. Now your one true friend is moving to another city, and you fear loneliness. You feel abandoned by your friend and by God.
A loved one is critically ill. You are left wondering why God would do that to such a good person.
The Habit of Bitachon
The obvious solution is very simple: make Bitachon a habit, and then you will remember!
Habits help us to do lots of essentials:
You don’t forget to brush your teeth at night, even if you are tired or preoccupied - because it is a habit.
You remember to look both ways before you cross the street - because it is a habit.
You lock your door when you leave the house - because it is a habit.
Bitachon is essential; make it a habit!
How to form a habit
The trick here is to remember the first few times. Once you get past the beginning, the habit is established, and just gets stronger with repetition.
The problem is that “remembering the first few times” is where most people get stuck. This is precisely because it is not a habit yet!
The good news is that you can cultivate habits. The following are some ways to help you remember those first few times:
Program a reminder
Use an alarm, a smartphone, or email to remind you daily that God runs the world and you can trust Him!
Pair up with a buddy
Meet in person or on the phone to remind each other of your Bitachon goals. Better yet, spend a few minutes learning about Bitachon together!
Create an association with something you do anyway
When I was in high school, I kept a book of short stories on my night table. Each night, I read one story before going to sleep. During Sefiras Ha'Omer, I kept an Omer chart next to the book of stories. By associating counting Omer with reading the story, I remembered to count every day.
Similarly, you can repeat your favorite Bitachon statement every time you sit at a red light, when you’re stuck in traffic, or when you make your bed in the morning. By creating the association, you will be reminded to trust in Hashem each time you hit a red light, sit in traffic, or make your bed. It doesn’t matter what the activity, as long as it’s something you do daily.
Put up signs around the house
Make posters or signs with Bitachon ideas to hang up in your kitchen, office, or wherever you spend time. In this way, a reminder will always be nearby!
There are many possible Bitachon phrases you can hang up or repeat to yourself. Use whichever are meaningful for you.
Here are a just a few to get you started:
Everything Hashem does is for the best
If it’s Your will, Hashem, then it’s my will too
Whatever I have I need, whatever I need I have
Hashem loves me and I will trust Him to do what is right for me
Just do your best and let Hashem do the rest
There is no such thing as coincidence; God is running the world!
I accept Your will, Hashem
Examples
Now let’s see how the scenarios above might look when infused with a little Bitachon:
Your child accidentally spills his drink all over your just-mopped floor. This may be an opportunity for self-improvement - perhaps a chance to work on patience!
You get stuck doing jury duty during your busy season - yikes! Though this will be a challenge, you realize that you need to be on the jury - or out of the office - for some reason, even if you’re not sure what that reason is.
A colleague comes to work sick. You catch the bug and miss several days of work too! Though it does not excuse another’s lack of consideration, you realize that you ultimately get sick only if you were meant to.
Some people have lots of friends, but you don’t. Now your one true friend is moving to another city, and you fear loneliness. You recognize that Hashem has a plan in mind, whether it is meant as a challenge or whether it might be a precursor to some other good.
A loved one is critically ill. This is a difficult test. You know that there are many reasons for suffering. This suffering does not reflect on the person who is ill, and it is probably not a punishment!
Your ideas!
In what ways have you successfully established habits in general, or Bitachon habits specifically?
Great ideas, Ita! One copy of your bitachon phrases is going in the back of my siddur to be added to my morning davening and another is getting taped to the kitchen cabinets for the whole family to benefit from.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hillary!
DeleteMy mother wrote a book called "Harold's Hideaway Thumb" about a bunny who is trying to remember not to suck his thumb. He finally succeeds after taping up posters all around the house of himself sucking his thumb!
So I guess this one is the same idea!