Giving Hashem the Benefit of the Doubt

What is everyone doing?

When the kids come home on Friday afternoon, there is always a lot to be done. Even though most of the cooking and cleaning is already done, the children still need to bathe and eat. In addition, I have a little challah bakery on Fridays, and customers come to pick up their orders on Friday afternoon. There is never any shortage of things to do on Fridays!

Usually we encourage the older ones to get started with their showers as soon as they get home. This way, there is enough time for everyone to bathe.

But this week, they just didn’t seem to be moving along. Every time I inquired whether someone had showered, the person seemed to be upstairs, talking to my visiting in-laws.

Now, I am all for fostering relationships with grandparents. But couldn’t they talk after their showers, or during the week, or on Shabbos? Did it have to be right now, while they were supposed to be getting ready for Shabbos?

We did finally manage to get everyone ready for Shabbos in plenty of time, and I forgot all about it.

This morning, when I put on my apron to bake, my children suddenly ran upstairs. They came down waving a brand new apron (pictured). “Surprise!” they shouted.

Boy, was I surprised!

As it turns out, they made the apron last Friday, when they were all so busy with my mother-in-law and father-in-law upstairs!

Doesn’t Hashem deserve the benefit of the doubt too?

So often, there is a good reason for what is going on that we just don’t know. As human beings, we are limited by what our eyes can see. This certainly applies to people, who sometimes have good intentions but other times do not.

How much more does this apply to Hashem, who loves and cares for us and always has our best interests in mind!

He knows exactly what we need, and he delivers every time!

Practical Bitachon

1. When something in life isn’t going smoothly, remember that Hashem is busy making your “surprise apron”! Whatever that surprise may turn out to be, it is something that is good for your body or soul.

   Unlike the apron, we may never figure out which “surprise” was born from the wait. We can’t always make a direct correlation. This makes the challenge greater. Nevertheless, we must feel and know that all Hashem does is wonderful!

2. Think of an example where you actually saw your “surprise apron”. Though we often don’t recognize our “surprises” for what they are, occasionally it is very obvious. Use these cases to bolster your Bitachon!

Share your “surprise apron” example (everybody has one!) by posting a comment.

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NeverOnTime Airlines and Habit #5: Always There for You

In The 7 Habits of Highly Dependable People, I concluded the post with the question:

What qualities would make you feel you could depend on someone?

Karen responded, “… consistency is really important to trust someone.”

Obviously, when we talk about consistency as a virtue, we refer to the positive use of consistency. Contrast these scenarios:

1. 

   When I was in High School, I used to walk to school with my friend Chavi (not her real name). We agreed that she would pick me up each day at 7:50 AM.

   Every morning, even before 7:50, Chavi would knock on my door. Over four years of High Shchool, I don’t remember her ever being late. I could always count on her to be ready and on time.

2. You are an important business executive. You have an important meeting in another city, and need to get there on time.

   

   NeverOnTime Airlines has some great fares, and you nearly book your ticket with them. Then you hear that their flights are habitually delayed or canceled.

   Would you depend on this airline to get you there on time?

3. 

   A teacher assigns homework to be done. Sometimes, the teacher collects and grades the assignment. Other times, she forgets to check that the work has been done.

Both examples 1 and 2 exhibit consistency. NeverOnTime Airlines was consistently late, and my friend Chavi was consistently on time. Few people would choose to fly NeverOnTime Airlines, but anyone would rely on Chavi!

The third example, however, demonstrates inconsistency. The students are never sure whether the work really needs to be done. Some students may try to get away with not doing their homework because they do not believe their teacher will really check it.

You feel you can trust someone when he has consistently been there for you in the past. If he has never let you down until now, you feel you can depend on him to come through for you.

Review of the 7 Habits of Highly Dependable People (so far)

1. Love and care
2. Attentive and available
3. Able and unstoppable
4. Knows what you really need
5. Consistently there for you

Practical Bitachon

Consider how Hashem has cared for you ever since you were born. Even if you have had a hard life, remember that your life itself is a gift from Hashem.

Keep in mind that Hashem helps you by always giving you exactly what you need (Habit #4). While consistently being there for you (Habit #5) is usually thought to include things like food, shelter, clothing, family, health etc, it may also include pushing along your growth through challenge or unpleasant situations!

The more you look to see how Hashem’s Hand has guided your entire life until now, the better able you are to have Bitachon (trust) that Hashem will continue to look out for you in the future.

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The Shadchan and Habit #3: Able and Unstoppable

To illustrate Habit #3 of highly dependable people, consider the following (fictitious) example:

You want to get married, and you need a shadchan to help you find your life partner. Having read The Bitachon Blog, and wanting to work with someone dependable, you make sure to find a shadchan (matchmaker) who actually cares about you (see Habit #1: Love and Care). She listens to you, keeps you in mind (what good is a shadchan who forgets about you?), and returns your calls (see My Kitchen Timers and Habit #2: Attentive and Available). She even has some great guys to set you up with. You are beginning to feel excited.

Then, out of nowhere, things seem to go awry. One young man is “busy”, another is not interested, and a third is out of town for the summer. These factors are beyond the control of the shadchan, and certainly not her fault. There is nothing she can do to change the situation.

Finally, she comes up with an appropriate match who is available, and you go out on a date (yay!). You are sure this is “it”. Apparently, he is not. You beg the shadchan to convince him to go out again, but to no avail. He does not want to be convinced. She is unable to help you.

No human is completely dependable. Only Hashem is truly unstoppable!

As much as she wants to help you, the shadchan is only human. She is not always capable of achieving what you want. Sometimes she is prevented from doing what she intended.

Hopefully, we try to enlist the help of people who are mostly capable, but true ability belongs to Hashem alone! Hashem has the power to do anything He wants, even things that seem unlikely or impossible. If God decides to make something happen, there is nothing in the world that can stop Him! That is why He is called “Almighty”!

In the following true story, I never dreamed that things could have turned out so favorable …

My husband and I moved to Jerusalem when I was seven months pregnant with our oldest son. After a reasonable “maternity leave”, I reluctantly began to search for a job. I was not eager to leave my baby all day, but there were few listings for part-time positions. I sent out some resumes, and even went for a couple of interviews, but did not land a job.

Long after I was sure the opening had been filled, I received a call to come in for a second interview at a small little startup company. They offered me a full time job, and I accepted.

Somewhere between the time I applied for the position and the time I actually began to work, I became pregnant. If I thought leaving my baby all day would be hard, now I was tired and nauseous too! Working full-time was going to be a real challenge.

Aside from my boss, I was the first hired employee in the company. When I informed my boss that I was expecting, she began to panic. Though she was in the process of hiring another programmer, she really couldn’t afford to have half her staff missing for several weeks! I was certain when I went home that night that I was about to be fired.

The next day my boss called me into her office. She congratulated me on my pregnancy and apologized for her initial reaction. She was trying to work out a solution that would be fair to everyone … Would I possibly consider working part-time? This way she would have some funds left to hire a third programmer, and she would be covered in my absence.

Would I? Wow! There was nothing I wanted more!!

I actually remember talking about part-time vs. full-time at my interview. My boss was seeking only full-time employees. And now she was asking  me to do her a favor and work part-time!

Nothing is too difficult for Hashem!

Try it!

Here are some practical Bitachon exercises for Habit #3, Able and Unstoppable:

• Think of a situation that seemed hopeless, but then an unexpected solution arose.
• Appreciate some of the “usual” things we take for granted, such as family, livelihood, and waking up in the morning. These things can only happen because God decides they should.
• When you find yourself in a tight spot, consider possible ways, however far fetched, that God could solve your problem. If He chooses not to fulfill your desire, realize that it is not due to lack of ability. Rather, it is an indication that what you wanted wasn’t good for you.

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Baby Steps: Enjoying the Bitachon Process

In the last two weeks, I have been watching something truly amazing.  Shortly before his first birthday, my baby began standing independently.  He took one, then two, then four steps. We clapped for seven, cheered for ten, and marveled at fifteen.

No one made fun that he fell after two steps, or that he could not make it all the way across the room. No one expected him to fetch slippers or bring in the mail or walk up the stairs. We all just smiled and enjoyed watching his learning process. No one was disturbed that he hadn’t yet reached the end goal. His improvement, however slight, was enough to elicit oohs and aahs from us all.

Learning to trust in God is a process. It is something we practice in baby steps; one stride today, one more tomorrow. Focus on the growth, pick yourself up when you fall down, and before you know it, you’ll be running!

Here are some Bitachon baby steps you can take today:

• Don’t get angry over something trivial (like a messy spill – this annoyance was Heaven-sent)
• If you already got angry, let go of your anger. (Here too, aim to recognize that the mishap or misdemeanor was Heaven-sent. Just because you missed the opportunity to exhibit Bitachon when it first happened does not mean you can't have a second chance!)
• Remind yourself that Hashem loves you (think of three things you are thankful for)
• Don’t worry, be happy (worry won’t help, trust that the outcome will ultimately be whatever Hashem has chosen for you)
• Think: “How can I grow from this situation?”. There is an opportunity for growth hidden in every challenge.
• Remember: Bitachon doesn't mean that the situation isn’t difficult. It means trusting that Hashem is running the show and that what He is doing is good for me, even if I don’t know why.

I’m sure you can add many more to this list! Just pick one that’s appropriate and do it!

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