Parenting Moments and Habit Number 7: The Essence of Giving

There are some days when being a parent feels great; the kids play nicely together, behave well and speak respectfully.

A getting-along moment!

Then, there are the other days; the “Why did he get a bigger piece than I did?” days, the “No!” days, and the “You’re so mean” days.

On the good days, it’s easy to give, to do a fun activity, to spend some extra time together.

What do we do on the bad days?

But what happens on the bad days? How do we relate to our children when they misbehave or drive us up the wall?

• Hopefully our children can count on us for dinner - even if they have fought with their siblings.
• Hopefully our children can still depend on us for a good night kiss, even after they have behaved poorly.
• But will we still go the extra mile and give out special treats, help them with out-of-the-ordinary projects, or take them on surprise outings?

This brings us to the last of the 7 Habits of Highly Dependable People …

Habit #7: The essence of giving - gives generously and unconditionally

A child trusts his parents if he knows they will always take care of him, no matter what.

Hashem gives us everything, more than the most wonderful parent can ever give his child. Our food, shelter, and clothing, our talents and personality, our family and health, our very life - are all undeserved gifts from Hashem! Even the most righteous person in the world can never “earn” all that he receives.

And how about those of us who are less than righteous, not yet perfect? Even when we don’t find time to do His mitzvos (commandments), Hashem continues to shower us with His abundant blessings. Even as we lack the willpower to resist sin, He gives and gives and gives some more - unconditionally.

We can depend on God because He continues to provide us with all of our needs even when we aren’t worthy.

Does that mean we’re off the hook?

Needless to say, it is much easier to do wonderful things for our children when they behave well. Even though we love them in the tough moments, that does mean we don’t care if they misbehave.

Additionally, providing for the needs of a child who acts up might include some not-so-pleasant consequences. Loving, caring and providing for a child does not mean giving him everything he wants – it means helping him to grow up into a good person!

Put your best foot forward!

When you want a job, you dress well and do all you can to make it easy for the interviewer to be impressed.

When you want God to give you good things, it makes a lot more sense to do what He asks than to rebel and ask for the good anyway.

And though we can still count on getting our “goodnight kiss” even when we’re not on track, we might also be able to count on getting a firm look or a consequence. That may be what we need to get back on track!

So do your best to do Hashem’s will, and trust that He will take care of you always, no matter what!

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My Kitchen Timers and Habit #2: Attentive and Available

The following is a story to illustrate Habit #2:

I have a (very undependable!) habit that sometimes gets in the way when I am cooking or baking.  I put the food in the oven, or on the fire, and make a mental note of the time I need to return to retrieve it.  But alas, I get busy with something else and forget all about it.

One time, I put some eggs up to cook. I planned to close the fire before I put the baby to sleep. Somehow, I forgot all about the eggs, and went upstairs to take care of baby’s bath and bedtime.

As soon as I came out of the room, I could smell something was burning…

Oh no!  The eggs!

Whoops.

The timer

To solve this problem, I started setting the timer on my microwave to remind me when the food was done.

As long as I stayed in the kitchen, this worked really well.  The problem was, that sometimes the timer would ring while I was in the garage getting something from the freezer, or upstairs putting away the laundry.

Hmmm, not very effective. If I was not attentive to the timer, my food would still burn!

The portable timer

It seemed that what I really needed was a portable timer, something I could carry around with me so that I could not miss it if I was out of the room. This time, I could not fail!

So I put my challahs in the oven, set the timer, and took it along for a quick stroll with the kids, just down the block. We even turned around before the timer was due to ring, so that we would be home by the time the challahs were done.

Well, we didn’t quite make it back in time. When the timer rang, we were still half a block away, and not exactly available to take the challahs out of the oven. (Luckily we made it back quickly and they didn’t burn!).

Habit #2: Attentive and Available

After Love and Care (click here to read Habit #1: Love and Care), the next Habit of Highly Dependable People is that they are attentive and available.

First and foremost, the person you depend upon must care about you. But what if that person is never around? What if that person cares, but has no idea what is going on?

In order to be truly dependable, a person must be aware of the situation and available to help.

Why no human can be completely dependable

Let’s use the classic example of dependability: loving parents.

As loving parents, we like to think that we are completely dependable to our children. However, this is impossible, as we can’t possibly know what is going on in our children’s lives at every moment, nor can we be always available. Hopefully, we are mostly dependable, but true dependability belongs to God alone.

Hashem is aware of everything that goes on in every part of the world at every moment. He is available to help us all the time, even with the most trivial matters.

In Judaism, there is a prayer for everything, even a special prayer that we say after using the bathroom! It may seem like a funny time for a prayer. However, by thanking Hashem for allowing all of our bodily functions to operate smoothly, we acknowledge God’s involvement in every single aspect of our lives. There is nothing that is too small, unimportant, or personal for God to help us out, or to be “bothered” with. He is there watching out for us and waiting to guide our lives in all matters, big and small.

Try it!

This week, when you have a problem, try asking Hashem (in your own words) to help you. Feel that He is there, listening, and available to help you.

(Please note: Asking Hashem for help is not a guarantee that the help will be in a form that you like or understand! There are many reasons that our requests may or may not be fulfilled. Either way, asking Hashem to help you will bring you closer to Him, and will drive home the message that He is really ready and available to you all the time.)

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