Suffering as a Preparation for Something Greater

Delayed gratification is “the ability to resist the temptation for an immediate reward and wait for a later reward” (Wikipedia).

Examples:

1. On a diet

   

   I can eat the chocolate bar (instant gratification), or I can resist the temptation now and have a favorable reading on the scale later (delayed gratification).

2. Study habits

   

   I can party with my friends, pass notes, and daydream during class (instant gratification), or I can pay attention in class and study hard now so that I can attend the college of my choice later (delayed gratification).

Needless to say, it is easier to delay gratification when you know that the gratification will eventually come. A third grader may not really understand or care why it is so important to succeed in school. University is many years away, and college applications are not on his mind yet!

However, in real life, we often don’t know when the gratification will come. We see only the sacrifice and denial of the moment. We wonder if the good will ever arrive.

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The Secret to Dealing With Perceived Injustice in This World

In Why Bad Things Happen To Good People - Why Not?, we dealt with the premise of this question that bothers so many. For those who received the post by email and did not get to see my cute (and very short) video, you can still see it here. (Sorry, it appears that Feedburner, the program that sends out the posts by email, does not embed the video into the email!)

We now know that suffering does not always equal punishment. (If you don’t know, go back and read the last post again!). In fact, there are many possible reasons why bad things might happen to a person.

The secret to dealing with perceived injustice in this world is to set your perception straight. God is just, and all His ways are just. We sometimes don’t understand how, but our lack of understanding does not make God unjust!!

How to “straighten” a crooked perspective

Now that we no longer have prophecy, we will never know with certainty the reasons behind God’s actions. However, by familiarizing ourselves with some possible reasons, we can know with certainty that there is some good explanation, even if we don’t know what it is in each particular case.

The Chovos Halevavos (Duties of the Heart) lists 5 reasons that good people suffer.

The first 2 reasons will be the subject of this post. Keep your eyes open for the next 3 reasons, coming soon! I hope to add a few of my own ideas on this subject in a future post as well.

1. Punishment for past sins

   1. Pay up now so you won’t have to pay later.

      

      Credit card companies and stores urge you to “shop now, pay later”. Sometimes they even offer 6 months with no interest.

      But what happens if you buy something and don’t pay for it? What will it cost a year later? How much interest will you rack up in 5 years?

      If you pay now, you’ll pay the agreed upon purchase price. The more you delay, the more interest will accumulate, and the more money you will owe.

      Okay, so what do credit cards have to do with punishment?

      Well, what happens when you sin but don’t repent? You need to pay. You can pay now, or you can pay later. Which do you think will be more pleasant?

      Sometimes Hashem punishes a righteous person in This World in order to spare the person from the punishment in the Next World. Pay now, pay less!

   2. No one is perfect. Therefore, no one is too good for punishment.

      My daughter was diagnosed with hip dysplasia at the age of four months. This was a curable problem, though it was not entirely pleasant, nor was it aesthetically pleasing. She wore a harness that made her look like a frog. We had instructions not to remove it at all - not for baths, and not even for diaper changes. We learned to sponge bathe her and change diapers between the straps, messy as it sometimes was. We even got used to the “frog look” that the harness bestowed upon her.

      I still remember a comment that someone made to me shortly after the diagnosis: “Why would this happen to you? You are such a tzaddekes (righteous woman)!”

      I found this attitude very intriguing. While I try to be a good person and to serve my Creator, I am certainly not without faults! Punishment is only one of the many reasons that people suffer, and I was not about to decide the reason that God had sent a challenge my way. But even if it was a punishment, would I be presumptuous enough to believe it was not deserved?

      No one is perfect. Even the best intentioned people and the most righteous sometimes make mistakes. That is part of being human! It therefore follows that no one is so good as to never deserve a punishment.

2. Increase reward in the Next World

   How do people earn higher salaries in this world?

   • Work more hours (hourly workers)
     
   • Work overtime (some salaried workers)
   • Bonuses for outstanding work and dedication
   • Promotions when competence is displayed (which come with more responsibility!)
   • Make more sales (commission based employees)
     

   No one makes more money for doing nothing. Bonuses are doled out in accordance with performance.

   The same is true of the Next World.

   Example:

   Yosef is a good, hardworking man. He sets aside time to study Torah, and keeps the mitzvos to the best of his ability.

   One day, Yosef becomes ill. He suffers terribly from the pain of the disease. He is unable to work his usual hours, and suffers a loss of income as well. Times are difficult for Yosef’s family. They move out of their beautiful home into a tiny apartment.

     Here are some of the many different ways that Yosef can respond to his suffering. He can:

   • Ask “Why me? I am a good person, why is this happening to me?”.
   • Accept the suffering as God given. He know that Hashem loves him and there is some reason for all this.
   • Feel that Hashem doesn’t care about him and decide that he doesn’t care either.
   • Look for ways to improve himself.
   • View it as an opportunity to help or teach others.

     Yosef’s reward will be in accordance with his response. Naturally, if he succumbs to a negative attitude (numbers 1 and 3), then he will not be rewarded for that! However, if he rises above his natural inclination to be angry or upset (numbers 2, 4, and 5), he can earn great bonuses in the Next World!

   When a person rises to the challenge and passes with flying colors, he racks up “miles” to be redeemed in the Next World. The way a person responds to suffering in This World is an opportunity to increase his reward in the Next World. View it like working overtime and getting paid time and a half!

Stay tuned to find out the rest!

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Jumping to Conclusions: How Sure Are You?

My husband recently went to BJ’s to buy me some chicken, and came home with one of his favorite vacation foods: soft pretzels. After he loaded the pretzels into the freezer, I stashed away the packets of pretzel salt in a cabinet. Some of our children are allergic to this snack, so we try to enjoy them at night, after everyone is asleep.

One child noticed the pretzel salt in the cabinet.

“Why do we have pretzel salt?” he asked. “For pretzels? We don’t even have any pretzels in the house! I know there are no pretzels in the house!”

He repeated this several times, so confident in his assessment. After all, he knew there were no pretzels in the house!

Hold the judgement!

There was no way for him to know that the reality was otherwise. His conclusion was based on whatever evidence was available to him at the time.

That is where he erred.

And that is where we err all the time.

We are constantly making judgements and assumptions. In fact, we do it so often that we don’t even have to think about it; it just happens automatically.

“That’s so unfair!” we think. “How could God let that happen to him?  He’s such a good person!”

“There is no reason she should have to deal with this. She already has enough on her head!”

When I was a teenager, I was sure I knew everything. To grow up is to realize that I don’t know everything.  There may be more than meets the eye. There may be parts of the equation that I will never find out.

How, then, can a person ever reach any conclusion?

I must make decisions, large and small, based on the information I have in front of me. I will never have all the facts; this is the best I can do.

But I must not pass judgement based on this insufficient evidence.  There is almost certainly more detail that is not available to me!

If you find this difficult, keep in mind that:  
1. God is incredibly loving  
2. Everything Hashem does is ultimately for your benefit

I dare you!

Here is a challenge for you to try today:

When you encounter something that seems unfair, unnecessary, or just plain bad, think of at least one way that it can be viewed positively.

Example: Your boss is really nasty or demanding.

Your initial negative judgement: “Why did I get stuck in this rotten situation? There’s no reason I should have to go home with a headache every day!”

Alternate positive view: “Maybe this experience will help to prepare me for something in the future. Or maybe it is bad enough that I will end up leaving this job for one that is more satisfying or financially rewarding.”

Share your success by posting a comment!

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